Sumo's Blog.

Money.

2009-12-16T22:48:00.004+08:00

Our goddamn lucky selves never had to worry about it.

Never had to sweat about utility bills, about rent.

About school fees, about handphone bills.

About making ends meet, about paying your dues.

We always had an allowance.

$30 a week, $40, $50...the loaded assholes may even get up to three digits. Or some luckier ones just get cash put into their wallets whenever they run out.

And if it isn't enough, you can always plead with daddy or mummy for a few extra ten dollar bills.

Especially on those class outings.

It's been a while since I had that kind of luxury, though.

Freedom and Independence both come with a price.

Earning your own money comes with added responsibility:

I now have to pay my own phone bills and school fees.

When I go out, eat out, or play outside, I pay with whatever I have earned.

EZ Link top ups, new clothes, new underwear.

Lunch for my family members from the nearby hawker centre.

Even the laptop I'm clickety clacking away on came out of my own pocket.

Independence, means not a goddamn cent from mummy or daddy.

Independence, means relieving mummy or daddy of the burden you weigh upon their shoulders.

I am still not fully independent.

But hell, I've lightened their load a little. And boy, have I learnt a lot.

You learn to save.

You learn to plan.

You learn to bargain and source for cheaper.

And it hurts, whenever you have to fork out those orange dollar bills from your wallet.

I finally understand the value of money. Some what.

For the Deep Thinkers, the KI Enthusiasts, le Philosophers:

When the cashier hands you your change and receipt, you hastily pocket those gold and silver coins, and grab the plastic bag of whatthingummajig you just bought, you pause.

You pause and then you realise the irony-

That freedom isn't free at all.

And then the emo kid in you starts thinking...Hey...

Reality is a load of bullshit.

"Freedom having a price.

Fighting wars to achieve peace.

Executioners sterilising the needles for lethal injections.

People toil at desks from 9 to 6 for money they'll never be able to use to enjoy.

It's sad ain't it?

We believe in FREE WILL. But only because we have no choice."

I say fuck reality, I'm gonna live life.

I'll work 9 to 6, and be goddamn thankful I'm not retrenched.

Freedom ain't free? I'll deal with it.

Long hours on my ass in front of an LCD screen will increase cancer/diabetes/high blood pressure risk? For the sake of my stomach-be-hungry-and-no-house-to-sleep-in-itis, I'll take my chances.

Shit is mediocre only if you concede so. Be humble.

I realise that after I've been in Raffles, I came out always expecting to start out at the top.

One of the more negative elitist traits.

Nothing wrong if you're a Rhode's Scholar, but that attitude won't do well for you if you start working from the bottom, like say, join some one's company.

And please, don't take life too seriously - no one gets out alive anyway.

Random? I guess.

Yours till the butt cracks,

Sumo

The Only Easy Day...Was Yesterday.

2009-12-05T09:20:00.002+08:00

It's a daily routine now.

Wake up at around 7.30am.

Prep up, go for training.

Toil for an eternity of a three hours.

Go to RJC, shower, dump shit in locker.

Change into business casual.

Leave for office. (Lunch optional, depending on time available.)

Work at laptop for the next 4-5 hours. (The work can be pretty interesting.)

Go home.

It isn't 9 to 5.

But it's routine.

I hate routine.

But ah well. At least I learn much.

Training? Gets easier once your the oldest.

Be it the years of experience, or the fact that the only challenging sparring partners are your own batch mates, you feel much more at ease at the top.

And thank God, I'm starting to save again. Halfway to my goal.

Money's fricking awesome.

Speaking of which, it's time I head off to Serangoon to tutor Bastian.

All in a day's work, eh.

Hoo-ah?

See here...

2009-11-05T00:02:00.004+08:00

Laugh, mofos.

Yours' till the face books,

Sumo

It's not funny anymore.

2009-10-27T23:01:00.000+08:00

It's not.

It's past 12 midnight.

2009-10-24T00:32:00.002+08:00

-clickety clack clickety clack-

I sit here typing away on my keyboard at this unearthly hour.

The air conditioner in my room is way too cold.

One unit, cooling my unbelievably small room is overkill.

Well, it's definitely better than having to withstand the urban heat of a landed estate, but still...

A choice of two extremes it seems. I'll stick with cold.

Looks like I'll need a shot of whiskey to keep me warm.

Meh.

Milo works too.

Night people!

Your's till the lecture notes,

Sumo

New.

2009-10-23T16:15:00.002+08:00

I got a new air conditioner coming into my room in about a half hour.

There's a new guppy youngling in my tank, which was the reason my mom was screaming at me last night, when she found that I had used her cup to separate the youngling from the parents.

There's also another new addition to my room - a half finished bottle of Chivas Regal.

Within a few more weeks, there could be a new television set here.

Oh, and the laptop I'm typing on is a new too.

Everything about my room is new. I love it. It's my space, my home, my crib.

And no one else but me owns it.

Awe-fucking-some.

And y'know what's the best part?

I bought all of this shit.

Not my parents, not my relatives, but me, myself and I.

3 cheers for me!

Hip hip hooray!

-ctrl+c 3 times-

Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray!

For you unobservant toots, that's 4 cheers.

You know something?

Since I'm bored, I'mma go ram some haikus for my classmates. All in 5-7-5 format:

pauline damn awesome,

oh! but she has a penknife!

pauline damn scary.

His name is damn long.

Arjun Balasubrama-

niam. More than seven.

Shawn Tay mother buff.

He drinks buffer solution.

Is got tikua one.

Another vegan.

This one the hair damn curly.

Beer is for pussies.*

Pat sometimes damn high.

Cows also have their down times;

therefore HiLo milk.

King of pool, joker.

"Eh sumo! When go ram pool?"

What did Meng see? You.

Bow down to our God.

For he breaks Physics Lab chairs.

Maooooooooooooooooo! <------counted as 5 syllables.

You never see him.

That's not cos' Imran's dark-skinned.

Owes me ninety bucks.

Resident Korean.

'Shibal', Asahi is kay.

See him when he's drunk.

Yueda gravitates?

Sure, when he had more money.

Well, now he's lonely.

Cheena construction.

That's Kaicheng's fave attire.

Dota all day long.

Bah, I'll stop here. My air con's coming soon.

Ciao!

Yours till the G spots,

Sumo

Physical, fiscal, physics.

2009-10-06T12:58:00.003+08:00

Well, that marks the end of the Math Paper.
Don't ask me about it, I think I passed. I think.
Now, everything is on Physics paper.

I swear, I need to get promoted. Sigh.

Okay, fuck all this emo-ness.

At the school library now, and in about a few more minutes time, I'm due to start on Physics.

Less annoying then all the other subjects, but tedious. Yet, it has to be done.

In other news, positive cash flow is my new best friend. Sorry, Zhongren. xD Just kidding.
Wanna know a secret?
Save.

Cliche, they say cliches for a reason. It always works.

About 'physically'?
Yeah, well I wish I were Mr Olympia.

Who the fuck doesn't?

Yours' till the...fuck my phone rang.
Sumo

Retain-o-phobia.

2009-09-27T13:50:00.002+08:00

That's right. i shouldn't be here. I should be studying.

Your's till the match makes,
Sumo

Late Night Funnies.

2009-09-20T01:02:00.002+08:00

It's 1:04 am and frankly, I should be sleeping because I have a lesson tomorrow with Bingwei, but it'll be aight.

Yeah yeah, mugging's fine.

Had some of it at Kejing's house.

It's strange rather, how I ended up there in the first place, the original plan was to mug at Toa Payoh Library, yet somehow I got cajoled into going over to Kejing's house where Meng and Shawn were having their PW meeting. Joined for ~~Borshch~~ ~~Borch~~ ~~Borsh~~ Borsch (Gawd, how do you spell this thing?) Steakhouse dinner.

Cracked jokes.

"Which part of the body is always unsure?"

"What?"

"Armmmmmm.........-confused look-"

Apparently, economics was the main subject of mugging today for me, as the PW group stressed over an incomplete chapter X, which included a near death scare when Microsoft Word decided to hang on them and they realised they didn't save their work.

Supper at Chomp Chomp was good too. Again, filled with lots of jokes.

-opposite table family asks us something-

"Where did y'all get that? -points to egg custard dessert-"

Meng: "Oh it's back there. Go behind. Turn left..."

-Kejing and I double over with laughter-

Yeah well, my class has a sense of humor.

All in all, we've got a pretty fun group of people here, I hope we all (well, most of us) make it to J2, so mug hard people.

Jeez it's like, 1:14 am on my clock, I better get some shut-eye.

I'm looking forward to the parties after promos, seriously. Lotsa fun, booze, pool, money, more booze. Sorry, I'm a sucker for spirit and mixers.

Where's the party, you ask?

It's up your ass.

Turn left.

Yours till the lamp posts,

Sumo

Copying AQ...for what?!?

2009-09-18T10:07:00.002+08:00

What the hell?

Ma'am absent today, then make us copy the AQ perfect score model. What the hell?

Yeah, you're right, I'm in the dayum classroom right now. And I haven't copied more than 2 sentences.

Okay, 4 sentences.

Stupid AQ on cloning. Xeroxing it should have provided a better solution, even more in relation with the freakin' topic we're copying down, but hell, I can't give more than two fucks worth on the damn thing to get to a copying machine.

Eff our lives, from all of us at 10S06B.

In other news, Shawn threatens me with murder of the first degree if I do not make another episode of Raffles Top Ten Buff.

Should I?

Hmmmm.

2 paragraphs. FML. Seriously.

This blog post was continued many hours later, in the comfort of my home.

I hate PW.

FML.

Yours till the note books,

Sumo

At the National Library.

2009-09-16T19:20:00.004+08:00

I needed a decent place to dwell with in the intricasies of physics formulae and the wonders of economic functions.

This is the place.

I didn't exactly plan to come down here to mug it out, but it turned out to be the right decision.

My cousin and I thought of a place randomly over the phone last night:

"Uh...go where mug luh?"

"Donno. Starbucks?...eh no no no! i'm on a budget..."

"Yeah uh me too. Then go where, must got air-con lor."

"..."

"Uh...NLB?"

And that's how we ended up here.

Having revised both subjects, I now sit here in the study lounge typing out this post, hoping to dish it out before I start revising GP. Application Question is such a piss.

The Study Lounge is apparently pretty quiet, save the once-per-minute squeaking of the serverely-in-need-of-WD40 door, due to the unbelievable volume of human traffic going in and out.

Bladdy hell.

Then just now lagi best. One guy came and sat opposite to me and Rachael at the sofas, and he appeared kinda uncomfortable when we looked at him. 5 minutes into his intrusion...

POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

Yeah, he let it rip. Now, instead of staring at his textbook, he just sat in his armchair and stared into empty space, kinda amused at himself and embarassed at the same time. I didn't give a fuck about the poor guys feelings, I just giggled, then snorted like I just smelt something bad. Ouch.

Got's ta go back to hitting the books.

Somebody kill me.

Your's till the gay clubs,

Sumo

Back from a long long long hiatus.

2009-09-15T00:07:00.012+08:00

Aight.

Y'know, I always wondered why blogger always fucked up on my computer. Then I installed Google Chrome, and it freakin' worked.

Fuck Firefox.

Some things have changed when I wasn't here, while some things haven't changed much.

My tagboard, for one.

And my hit counter.

P-A-T-fucking-H-E-Tic.

Well, at least now I'm back to blog, so let's start with the content, shall we?

My New Handphone

Okay, so me and Meng Siew were like contemplating over the arrival of the iPhone stocks.

First of all, when we saw the new iPhone specs over the internet, our eyes were like watering already. Then we were drooling when we got to the part about 16GB or 32 GB capacity. Then we read about the new software, so we started fapping off. Then when it came to the price-being-cheaper part, we JIZZED in our pants.

Kaninabu.

Wait some mother long time, I swear to heaven, Buddha, Goddess of Mathematics etc.

Everytime I pass by a Singtel store, I ask the promoters for iPhone, and they're like:

"Sorry sir, we have no stock."

"Uh when then got stock ah?"

"Oh that one I dunno leh...must see Apple side luh...oh the new iPhone has blablabla features, blablabla improved, blablabla..."

Eh what the heck, if you don't know when your supply is going to arrive, why the hell put a demo model on display and make us feel overcome with effing tech-lust?

It's like putting a screen playing a Japanese pornography video in front of Yueda and tying his hands behind his back.

That guy will never ask you to yamate with the video if you do that.

Anyway, I got so friggin' pissed off with Apple and Singtel that I did some comparing:

Singtel charges per minute. If I call or one second, it is counted as a minute. Say bye bye to $$$.

Starhub, on the other hand, charges per second. It's accumalative, so if you call for one second, you pay for what you got.

And now everyone has an iPhone.

It's simple. I mean, with the majority of kids with parents who have money, yeah sure, all you gotta do to get an iPhone is open their mouths.

Sure it's good, with all the mad jizz specs and whatnot, so I considered getting it. (Screw the wait, seriously.)

On the other hand, Comex was here, I guessed it was about time to fish for some bargains.

Just as I thought, voila, Comex offer.

At my $48.15/month plan, I gots myself a Nokia E75:

Yeah, well, a new phone's always shy to leave it's shell.

On closer inspection...look at the sleek detail.

That's not all, the surprise comes when it slides to reveal it's Bankai, a full-qwerty keyboard!

I swear it's the jizz to text on. Multiple fucking orgasms.

And best, zero-freakin'-dollars, even with SIM card registration. You seriously can't touch this.

So what about the iPhone?

Well, it kept me waiting.

I guess I'mma keep it waiting.

My New Netbook

Aight.

A handphone wasn't the only damn thing I got meself from taking advantage of Comex offers.

I've been needing a new computer for mother long. Desperately.

My old computer was since Sec1. If y'all Cretaceous/Jurassic/Triassic fossils still remember, Pentium 4 was the "in-thing" at that time. The pinnacle of home computing technology. Computers at that time had to be 3.6Ghz (single core, of course.) or it would have been considered slow. And the computer I had at that time didn't even have a ruddy 3.00ghz, it was just 2.93Ghz.

0.07 off. Which reminds me of Chemical Bonding...whatever.

Y'all oldies don't come around with your SNES and Nintendo nonsense about how computers of your time were on Windows 98/ME, and them being the real dinosaurs. Your ancient technology, I consider freakin' single-cell amoeba.

So I went down to Comex. I didn't need a laptop with graphics - I don't game. I wanted something small, and could last. Netbooks came into mind, and I got the deal from MSI, bagging my MSI Wind U100 Plus at $680.

Intel Atom 1.66Ghz

2.00GB DDRII RAM

Intel GMA Express Chipset

320GB HDD

Woot.

I got the Digiskin $30 discount voucher with the netbook, so I got a skin custom made. I love the concept of the yakuza, and the chinese dragon itself, so I got it made. Also protects from scratches.

Also a full-qwerty keyboard!

Yeah, the screen ain't that big, but Youtube, certain low spec games, even "The Sims 2", runs smoothly on maximum graphics.

Some of the features.

And yeah, there it sits on my work station.

The thing I love most about it (Besides the fact that it's only 1.27kg, which means if Mingjie gets it, it can double as his dumb bell.), is that it runs on a 9-cell battery.

In layman terms for you techno-noobs, that's 10 frickin' hours of use it gives me.

Perfect for Yueda. Should skin the keyboard for him also, so it's non-stick.

...

Well, today has been somewhat productive. I shall continue mugging tomorrow after school and chionging Project Work.

For now, it's goodbye, peeps from us at PLAY!.

Nope, we weren't tipsy...yet.

Yours till the hot mails,

Sumo

The Light

2009-07-23T14:01:00.004+08:00

Peace over anger.

Honor over hate.

Strength over fear.

Right now...

2009-07-16T22:03:00.004+08:00

...I am utterly tired. Shagged. Exhausted. Sleepy. Knocked out. Zzz-ed. Dead. Finished. Drained. Drowsy. Fatigued. Weary. Worn-out.

I need sleep.

Yet, I'm right here, tapping away on my keyboard, wearing out the already worn out markings on the keys. In time, I might be tpynig lkie tihs.

I'm angry. Pissed. Frustrated. Mad. Huffy. Irate. Hot under the collar.

I need therapy.

.
.
.
I have therapy.

I have dreams, hopes, and wishes.

My dream keeps me alive, it spurs me on, it brightens my mood, it gives me drive.

My dream, my hope, my wish, my therapy...all is not lost...

I want a goddarn iPhone 3Gs.

Fuck man, must wait long long.

Decent.

2009-07-14T15:26:00.002+08:00

Well, yet another day in the life of a Sumo.

Yesterday, I went to the cue shop with Meng Siew at Waterloo. Set my eyes on a pool cue case there, but I gotta wait a month to save up for it. Ended up playing pool for free. ;-)
The interesting part of the day was talking with Meng Siew on the way home.

/start quote/

Meng: "Eh, that guy right just now, his name the Peter Goh Tek Ting."

Sumo: "Uhuh..."

Meng: "So last time his friend ask me where Peter go, I say Peter go take thing! (Goh Tek Ting)"

/end quote/

Seriously, LOL-ed at that.

Pool is fun. I like my cues, and I think they're fairly decent. Love the game, man.

Was late for school today, the highlight of the day was GP period where I got back my essay. Again, fairly decent for a first attempt, seeing how my essay on poverty got a 60% standard. Paper 2 worries the heck out of me though, now that Ms Ong scared the heck out of us with so far, negative feedback.

Well, nothing much else being on these days, other than the fact that Erdong knows about the 'secret' too. Soon, it won't be much of a 'secret', anyway.

Ah yes, McDonald's Garlic Chilli is back.

Pigs can't fly, but swine flu.

2009-07-10T17:42:00.036+08:00

My blog has degraded into utter deadishness.

I look around my room and realise I love this place. It's my home, my crib, my space, my sanctuary. I play here, I sleep here, I relax here, God knows what I do here.

At this moment I realise ZR has not called me, for he's supposed to come over and chill out with me. Shall give him a ring...bugger says he might not come over. Madar Chod.

No training either, thanks to the fucking Swine Flu. To make up for it, I ran and did sit ups just now. Bah.

Swine flu indeed, and the MOE still ain't wanna close schools down. They said the same thing when there were just 3 cases, and now still the same thing at over a thousand cases. All it takes is one death. Touch wood.

Hurhur. CSI referrence, if y'all dun geddit.

As cheesy as a cheese burger. Make that 2. Speaking of which, I love double cheese burgers. They've the nicest mix of taste to it, a beef and cheese patty on top of another beef and cheese patty. Only shit is, I don't eat beef.

Talk about meat. They had to cull or kill pigs in Mexico, mesathinks. Poor piggies.

That's a LOT of pork.

I'm still unhappy that schools are still not closed, despite the nearly unbelievable rate in the increase of cases of piggy cold. Which reminds me of what Yiwei said about going to Aussie for a holiday, come back and get another one week holiday at home.

Ah well, what to do, school has already started. Stress gonna kick in soon.

FC did quite a bit of stress relieving. Boxing is always good, sans the injuries. We all need to learn and practice a bit more, then we'll be dropping people like a bad habit! Fun, much. I need gloves, on another note.

I'll just finish up this post with pictures. Yup. Tag my board, you bastards.

Colleagues from Excel.

Ji seow Geraldine a bit.

My bee-day. Love 'em guys. Just realised Yiwei was out of the frame.

Uhhh...me and the idiot.

...Guess who? =)

Alright, suckers, see y'all when there's another update. That will be when pigs fly. Soon, I guess.

Yours till the chicken chops,
Sumo

It's been a long time coming.

2009-06-12T00:01:00.003+08:00

Well, it's been a while.
An update on my life is due, no?

Let's see...the job's helluva fun ride. I've been learning how to attract, approach and interact as well as persuade people from well...all walks of life. Not only did I get experience in sales, but I've met many interesting people. My colleagues are pretty fun people too, not to mention. I personally recommend it as 'boot camp' for Raffles people, especially those with with zero EQ.

At home...nothing new, I guess. Same old quarrels, same old fights...except I see my parents a lot less. I find that independence has its effect on my preferences as well - I hate people disturbing me when I'm home, even if my mum wants to talk to me for a minute.

New judo mats mean longer warm up sessions. I swear I am reminded of IKEA every time I go for training. And my shoulder hasn't had an "outer-body experience" at the dojo in 3 months or so. Well done. I'm starting to go back to throwing practice. Slowly, mind you.

Pool's rather addictive too. I daresay I've improved a bit. Hitting all the shots in gives you such a satisfying feeling, it's nearly orgasmic. Of course, I'm trying to learn from everyone, so I guess I should play with anyone - when I got the time and dough.

Sigh. Holidays have been working, sleep, giving tuition, training, sleep, working, sleep, giving tuition, training, sleep...you catch my drift.

I need to start mugging soon. Hell.

But hey, unlike you useless sods in front of the computer, surfing the net and reading this on a school holiday morning, feeling somewhat sleepy and yawning, I'm actually doing something productive.

This holidays, I learnt something new. This holidays, I tried something new. This holidays, I grew new balls.

What have you done with your holidays?

...hell, she better be enjoying that frickin' book. Took me quite a bit of effort to find it.

HEY YOU!

2009-05-28T14:00:00.006+08:00

Need some extra pocket money?

Want to look for a holiday job?

Sick of looking for jobs and only finding promoter or waiter positions?

Do you want a job in which you can earn a good pay and yet still be able to study for the coming Common Tests?

WHAT THE HELL LAH, LOOK WHAT LOOK???

LOOK NO FURTHER.

LOOK HERE.

I SAID LOOK HERE.

HERE!

.
.
.
.
.

V

Here's the deal, homies. I'm looking for tutors. Not any shoddy ass low down, I'm looking for people who want to teach.

Hours and pay are negotiable, depending on what you teach and for how long. In fact, it is entirely up to you. You get to decide what you want to teach and what you wanna charge for your services.

We've got students and now we're looking for the tutors to play matchmaker with, so if you're interested...DO NOT TAG MY TAGBOARD.

Instead, be professional. Mail your resume to benseetoh@hotmail.com. Nah I'm kidding about the resume part, but email me all the same yeah , stating who you are and what level you're studying, whether Sec3, Sec 4, J1, J2 or J369,659,247,596, I don't care, but I'll get back to you ASAP.

We'll take it off from there. ;)

Yours till the sheep pens,
Sumo

Cheat Code to Life.

2009-05-22T22:49:00.008+08:00

/start file/

090522M-01
Encryption Code: Green
Public Key: file /blog-of-a-sumo/
Author: Benjamin "Sumo" See-Toh
Subject: Cheat Code to Life
Classification: Unclassified (BGX Directive)

It is often assumed by our young innocent selves that the safe way, is the surest way.

Some of us rather not take risks, we prefer not to venture into the unknown paths, to do things that risk possible failure in hope of achieving greater success. Our 'kiasu' mentality, it keeps us safe. And yet who can blame us - we all fear the unknown.

It's the way we were brought up. Singaporean teens live on school and school alone. We can all recite the "doctrine of life" by now: study hard, get good grades, score well for PSLE, get to good Secondary School, get good 'O' level grades, go good JC, get good 'A' level grades, get scholarship, go overseas study for free...

Everything is based on results. Ask any student from this tiny red dot and you will find that everyone is the same. Who doesn't want to get to be an SAF scholar here? To encourage this, parents dangle the carrot of overseas tours, new game consoles, new hand phones etc. in front of us, and we think, heck, why not?

It's not about having the balls, it's about opening up our frame, that is our narrow point of view.
Drinking alcoholic drinks is downright wrong, staying out late at night is unacceptable, and watching pornography? Oh, how uncivilised. So they say.

About an hour ago, I had the most bizarre accident. Walking through the crowded pasar malam, I happened to walk past a makeshift store selling scents and perfumes. Not that I was interested in acquiring any, I walked past, and a sudden crash broke through the usual chatter of the crowd. I stopped. Bad move.

The store owner was on to me in a second. She was a middle-aged lady, no more than forty, I would say, and the kind of auntie you see very often at the morning market eating chai tao kway and drinking kopi-o on a Sunday morning. I looked at her, and she looked at me.

Translated:

Her: "Er...Broken ah?"

Me: "Huh? Your perfume? Yes, can't you see it's on the floor."

Her: "err...-shifts eyes-...then must pay lor."

Call me sly, call me evil, or sue me if you so care to, I was going to get myself out of this.
For one, I wasn't even sure if it was me who broke it, but I thought I remembered a man walk past that bottle before it fell. Then again, it could have been my gi as it swung across the table. I wasn't sure.

But I couldn't let her know that.

"I didn't break it."

I stared her in the eyes. I had to be careful - any slight shift of my eyes to the left or the breaking of eye contact would have immediately given me away.

"No...-shift eyes-... it is you break one."

Bull-fucking-shit.
This auntie was so unsure, there wasn't as much as a hint of confidence in her statement. You'd had better luck finding an "I Love China" shirt in Taiwan.

"The guy who broke it left already."

Hold, hold.

"...you must pay."

"I said, the guy who broke it left already."

Next, she's repeating the same accusations. Throwing them off is easy.
Her next move couldn't have been any dumber.

"Uhh...is she break one."

She points to Yishan, who was with me. What the hell.

"Is her bag hit then the bottle fall one."

"Auntie ah, she was walking over there...-points to a spot 1087553095705095 miles away from table- how can it be her?"

"Is her one."

Fuck, this woman is stupid.
She isn't the least bit confident, so I amped up my assertion.

"Auntie, I wasn't the one who broke it, and she wasn't even near the table."

"Funny, then how, the bottle drop itself one ah?"

I tuned my body language to show a bit more conviction. She was starting to back down already.

"Funny?? Your own thing drop and you call it funny? The person broke it and left, and you don't even want to chase. Then just because we are nearby, you want us to pay for it? That's funny!"

Yishan also added in even more words and rhetoric's, leaving her totally speechless and stumped.

She gave up.

"Aiya, heck la...-bends down to pick up glass pieces-"

I had to applaud myself and Yishan. And definitely, applaud Lady Luck. Had the auntie been any more assertive from the start, we would have been fucked there and then, and so would have been my wallet.
If it had been me when I was Sec 1, then I would have been so guilty that I would just have paid immediately, even offering to pick up the glass pieces into the bin.

The thing is not whether we had the spontaneity to pull it off, but the thing is we dared to take the risk.

We weren't even sure who was guilty, and economically, it makes sense.

Scenarios:

1) Guilty and found guilty - Cost: $10
2) Not guilty and found guilty - Cost: $10
3) Guilty and found not guilty - Cost: $0
4) Not guilty and found not guilty - Cost: $0

At most, I'd only pay for the damn bottle of perfume. What, I'm gonna have to pay that auntie extra $5 just because I lied first? You think what, white slip ah?

Yeah, I'm fucking evil. (So is Yishan.) But if we didn't try, would we have known? We had nothing to lose.

Sure, our 'kiasu' mentality keeps us safe. But it sure keeps us dumb too.

Live life on the edge a little bit, try a bit of shit here and there, maybe some stupid stuff. Sometimes, the things you try are on people who probably won't remember you after they wake up the next day.

Unless, of course, they wake up next to you. ;)

/end file/

Guess who's back.

2009-05-16T20:56:00.003+08:00

After a short hiatus, the man is back again.

I have just returned from Yishan's house - finished my Poisson Assignment and finally got started on my Normal one. Yes, shuttup, I know I'm slow. But at least I'm making some effort to catch up.

Spent the rest of the day at her place, playing retarded games and watching retarded comedians on youtube, and also with her brother who is quite a nice dude.

By the way Yishan, if you see this, remember to bring my Assignments, yeah? x)

This week has been most stressing.

I guess the long weekend was fun, with a very interesting Saturday night/Sunday morning.

Sunday was a freaking rush.

Cabbed down to Sembawang and gave tuition early morning. Went home, bathed, helped mom shift boxes, went out again.

Today not so bad, got through with understanding Binom, Poisson and Normal, finally.

I guess Brian's friend was right:

Life's so fun when you're dumb.

Shit has happened.

2009-05-03T20:07:00.002+08:00

Due to recent events, I have lost my sense of humour. I'm sorry, I won't be doing any more posts any time soon.

Fed up.

See-Toh Meng Kong, grow some fucking balls.

****

2009-05-02T13:25:00.001+08:00

Shan's 17th.

2009-05-01T10:39:00.002+08:00

Trotted down to her house for her little party after tuition yesterday.

Looks like I was the first to arrive. By then, Shan and her mum were preparing all the food.

=)

Um...Geof and Mel soon arrived, followed by Claire. Then we all started munching down on the food.

All the while, it was super interesting to note that Claire never ever had satay, nor yam basket. xD

Well, we ate, and then sang songs and watched stupid videos like Charlie the Unicorn in Shan's room after cake cutting until 11.30pm, when I took a cab home with Claire. Super late by then.

Hope you had a good birthday, Shan! x)

As y'all can see, I've lost all mojo to do funny posts.
Maybe the next thing on this post my bring a smile. I hope.

Quote of the Day:

Arjun: "Okay people, is it alright if we put a price cap of $30 for the class hoodie?"

Meng Siew: -looks at me- "Cap. ^^ I got a cap in my wallet."

Me: "Siao! Where got cap so expensive $30 one??? What flavour??? ABALONE AH?"

-Meng and Rama break out in laughter-

SumoCorp TV presents...

2009-04-19T21:15:00.002+08:00

My Little Creation.

2009-04-19T02:15:00.008+08:00

Being bored after class camp can be fun.

For once, I stayed up late just to make something. Other than that V'day card I made this year.

Behold, my handiwork:

Take a broken Swiss Army Knife, with some fabric and Hey Presto!

Knife & Scabbard, I call it.

The menacing blade...

The nail's there to stop it from snapping back in, as it was built that way. So yeah, safety first, foo's.

Fits in like a di- never mind.
As you can see, the scabbard is metal too. So it's got a 'shing' sound to it when you unsheathe the blade.

I love it.

Somebody think of a name to call my new baby and tag !

On another note, Happy B'day to Claire!

Yours till the wrist watches,
Sumo

My 17th year on Planet Earth...

2009-04-11T00:27:00.011+08:00

...Started off on Sumo Day's Eve with Laopo accompanying me on MSN. <3
She's the best Laopo there is, yo. Ain't no other lady can take her place.

Then we pranked Claire, who also wished me at around midnight. Heh. If you're reading this Clefairy, paiseh. You got punked though.

Ya' dig?

PUNKED!
.
.
.
And I can't believe I owe you a bubble milk tea for that...@$!^%@#$$^%#!

I don't care. When Laopo comes back next year, she owes me $0.50. We split 50-50 as partners in crime, yo.

Then I went to sleep, awaking on Sumo Day 2009.

In Singapore, Sumo Day is a National Holiday, but people still have to go to school. Fark. It is celebrated by people of all races and religions, to celebrate the day that the little Tadpole overcame all adversity and vaginal acidity to finally reach the Ball of Light at the end of the tunnel.

It is a celebration of love, passion, determination, perserverence, strength...

and forgetting to use a condom.

Anyway, I went to school and sat down with some of my OG mates. Talked and talked.

Bozo surprised me with an SMS. So sweet!
Honestly, I thought you'd forgot. Heh. Thanks Bozo Oozo. x)

Karan wished me Happy 17th too.
Then we told racist jokes with Siva and Sai. =D

"Sumo!!!"

A voice called out behind me. I turned around, lo and behold, it was Sujin...with a cake!

Wah, sooooo nice sia. Oreo Tiramisu! Or something like that?

The birthday song was sooper loud or something, cos' we were in the AMPHItheatre, perhaps. I was the center of attraction. And no, it's not due to the huge grativational pull of my mass.

Then make wish, cut cake, blow candle, then face kena smeared with cream by Karan and Brian Lim. Thanks ah, guys.

Walking to assembly, my friend saw me and asked what happened to my face.

"Oh, there were these two guys in my OG...yeah, they basically creamed my face an-..."

The look on her face was priceless.

Shall watch my choice of words next time, shan't I?

Thanks O'CDians!!!! <333

The rest of the day went on as usual, with b'day wishes from my fellow classmates. Like Meng Siew they all.
Again, thanks guys.

At night, after training, which I got my ass smeared in deep heat (Ouch. Lucky not in cream like in the morning. Hurhur.), I went out with my family to some Zi Char buffet restaurant. Not so bad luh, but most of the dishes were more salty than pi sai. Not that I've tasted my own.

The day after my buffday, I went to celebrate with Sec4's 08. Except Peisu couldn't make it cos' he was celebrating his birthday early with parents at home.

Bladdy hell, all ji seow me say want eat S-11.

We thought of Manhattan Fish Market, but it was packed like sardines in a can.
Hurhur.
Besides, some of us had went to gym just before and if we went in the way we were, it would really have smelt like a fish market.
Hurhur.

Then we checked out Swensen's. Also full like April Fool's Day.

Pastamania couldn't get us 10 seats together, so we settled with Yoshinoya.

"Uncle, one Ebi..."

"Sorry boy, jin tian mei you fried!"

"Orh, okay. Gei wo yi ge beef."

"BEEF!"

Didn't happen though. Haha.

Eh, where's Yiwei...o.O

Me, LZY, Bear and ZR went to watch Shinjuku Incident later that night. Rest couldn't make it cos' couldn't be home late. One heck of a good movie.

Thanks for accompanying me that day, guys. =) Y'all made my day, especially with the photo thingy you made for me. Thanks heh. =D

I'd like to thank practically everyone who wished me and remembered.

Everyone on facebook, I've replied to your comments on my wall, and a big thanks to Yidan who messaged me instead of tagging my wall, so that I would be sure to read her birthday wish. =D

Thanks yous alls:

Sec4's 08! <3

O'CD MR'03!!

Family!!

10S06B peeps!!!

Bozo Oozo x)

Wen Hui Jiejie! <3

Laopo <33

Sis-in-law Angela Jie!! <3

Meimei! <3

Amanda Hsiung!

Claire!

Felly!

Abel!

Ongama!

Jiaxuan!

Rasputin Lu!

Yimin!

Brandon Choo!

Jeremy Ng!

Nurul!

SHINg!

Vincent Tjeng!

Handsome Chuan!

Jie Hao!

Dom Kuek!

Jon Lee!

Nigel Loo!

Jinx!

J-woo!

Renee!

Lingfei the nice junior!

Jun Hao!

GERALDINE :)!

Ah Boy!

Wei Jie!

Ananth!

Ryan Lee!

Derek Ee!

Weichuan!

Danfer!

KWH!

Aaron Tiong!

WE-LET!

Nicole Chan!

Christina!

Shang Hai!

Pauline!

Samuel Tan!

Yishan!

Ying Jie!

Jingyi!

Amos Tan!

Yang Chow Fried Rice!

Hsieh Li!

Marcus Lee!

Samuel Tay!

Jingwen!

Haran!

AB Lee!

Keng Chee!

Geofferey Lim!

Eugene Iscool!

Steven Ni!

Richmond!

Master Thia!

Lim Shi Kai!

Elias Tiong!

Wah lu, long like movie credits liddat.

Everyone else that I forgot to mention, leave a tag or tell me! xD
Ok, those who have been mentioned also tag.

You know what, everyone just tag.

Your's till the air cons,
Sumo!

Counsel them Councillor Wannabes

2009-04-02T21:28:00.005+08:00

OMGWTFBBQSAUCEONTHECHICKTILLITDROWNED

You'd think after a freakin' four years in RI, the ultra lame, pointless, retarded, hardy har har campaign ideas would have subsided.

Mother joot, I was wrong.

It started off in Sec1, where I remember very clearly morning announcements inspired by sexual themes:

"Ever experienced live sax on stage? -Saxophone plays-"

And then Prefect Campaigns inspired by those sort of announcements:

"Vote for...the Master Baker."

I have to say the Moses Thong rap...wasn't dope, man.
Nor was I impressed with stuff like 'Ginseng for Jun Sean'.

Un-funny puns just about sums it up.

Some shizz like..."Waiters we KEN serve you" or something like that.

Ouch.

If you KEN serve me, then I KEN NI NAH BU, you want?

I don't mind acronyms, they don't really have to be funny.
But the puns, oh my gawd. Please spare us.

I shudder to think of what Bryan Tsui would come up with if he got past interview stage, but I have a sinking feeling it would be like the "Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down." campaign.

I didn't think it was that bad an idea though, just that about 4 out of 10 people in RJ I meet have never heard of Rick Astley.

Besides, how are these puns supposed to be any measure of your ability to be in Council?
If the un-funniness of your campaign slogans are any measure of your creativity at all...

Let's face it, in RI, the most memorable puns and jokes at the speeches got you in to RIPB, not your ability in adminstration or your kindness to people.

Why should there be reason to think otherwise in JC?

Sure, argue that we have interviews. But how well do the interviwers know the interviewees? Jeez.

And some of these Candidates sure know how to buy a vote:

If you can't see it, it reads:

"Hey Friend!

This is just a reminder to you to vote for me for the council elections. Regardless of how well you know me (Oh I do think my vote for you would depend very much on how well I know you.), I do hope that you will give me your blessings for doing well in council (Hwat??? You're not even in!) and giving me your vote. I will give in my full effort to change this for the better in school. But to that I need your vote. (These last two sentences...he probably should figure that if you're not serious enough to check your campaign message twice, you're not council mat- nah, let's not go that far.)

So please vote for me! (...I think not. If I even know who you are.)

Thank you,
Kenneth Siah Yeow Joon"

Council campaigns 101, never ever spam inboxes. Two, 'Regardless of how well I know you'? Dude, what the fark? And, three: Ever heard of Spellcheck?

Heard some Viet candidate also went like they would want to get a room with recliners for people to sleep in.

"The school should spend money for our own benefit as we work so hard for the school instead of spending it on stuff like the biodiversity pond."

Or so I heard. Not sure if it really happened.

The school should spend money for our benefit...No shit. I'd say it could have been doing that all along, hiring your teachers, paying for your programmes and etc. Maybe.

The biodiversity pond...now that is debatable. So tell me, you lil' Vietcong, how are you gonna dodge this napalm bomb?

"...but i'm not saying the biodiversity pond is useless..."

Killed himself before the bomb dropped, I suppose.

Since all of you have friends, and aren't gonna not vote for them, like I am, I can't ask you to not vote for the lame ones. But then, I shall come up with the best campaign ever.

STEWIE FOR COUNCIL!

Tired. Like shit, man.

2009-03-31T17:30:00.002+08:00

-sigh-

School is tiring...and I'm behind in my work.

Ah jeez.

In case you're wondering, that video is so that a certain bozo can watch.

Bozo, if you're reading, go and watch it before it is too late at night to do so when everyone is sleeping!

I'll go sleep. Shut-eye, wake me up in half an hour.

Yours till the toilet rolls,
Sumo

So I'm here now...

2009-03-29T23:19:00.013+08:00

...typing out a blog post. An end to another mundane weekend.

Well, today wasn't entirely boring.

Went out in the day, to you-know-where, met you-know-who, and did you-know-what.

No, not Voldemort.

Oh, you don't know? Jeez, too bad.

Wasn't too bad, I found my dress sense today. But also got soaked on the way home.

Isn't it ironic that when you go out in the day, it is as hot as Felicia Chin, but when you get back, you're stuck in the rain? Sky jizz, if you would imagine.

So yeah well, I was stuck in the bus stop for like half an hour when the rain uh...intensified. Sonuvabitch.
Then I waited at the un-sheltered traffic light for 6.72 x 10^67679909801928409709 years before it turned green for me to walk across.

When I got to the other end, it hadn't even subsided by a decimal of a Hertz.

What the fuck, was the rain really having such an intense orgasm???

Oh well, I had to get something to cover myself with, other than all that sky jizz.
Walked into the air-conditioned provision shop owned by some Cheena Comrade, and asked for an umbrella. Bladdy $4.90.

Using simple math, I deduce it would take a McDonald's employee...1 and a half hours to earn that much. Ooooh, forgot CPF deductions on Singaporean's income...that should change the time taken...let's see...oh okay, got it. 587264 decades.

Not.

Seeing as I was once a slave worker of the minimum wage industry, I pitied my fellow sufferers and decided to find a cheaper alternative.

As I walked out of the general store, I noticed a newstand owned by a kind old thambi. I browsed through the day's collection of newspapers. I chose the Sunday Times, and cursed as if it was any weekday, the paper would be 3 times thicker. Mostly of adverts and money articles that you don't bother to read, but see how handy it comes in when you have no umbrella.

90 cents, compared to four frickin' ninety. I saved an hour's McDonald's wage.

And I got the thickest paper available, well done Sumo.

You'd think it would last me the 5 minute journey home from there, but hell no. As soon as i walked out from under the shelter, the paper went 'flop'. Collapsed like a flannel in a cupboard. Structural integrity went to zero and if there were PVC glue, I would have been wearing a paper mache helmet.

At least it kept my spectacles dry.

As soon as I got home, my mom turned and saw me at the gate and was shocked.

She asked: "Is that a wet newspaper on your head?!?"

"No Ma, it's the new wet look from Gatsby. Don't you think it suits me?"

Moral of the story: Sunday Times makes bad cover.

Later on in the day, went to Geylang Lorong 15 and returned completely satisfied.

From durian, retards.

Yours till the water falls,
Sumo Oomo.

Mada mada dane...

2009-03-22T19:11:00.003+08:00

Well, even this long into moving, my powerhouse still ain't up.

I'm talking about my computer, you dirty minded sickos.

And my room still isn't finished yet (would you believe it?), so no pictures sadly. Yet.

If you've noticed, I changed a few things.
If you'll look to the right, I've added a picture of me and Bozo on to the photoslide. Apparently somebody felt left out of my social circle. =(

I've also changed the song. =) Most logical song I've heard in years. Titus agrees.

And well, all the jizz about jizzing in pants have got the craze on. It's everywhere! Whether you are watching the video, or making references to Bryan Tsui, or even in the sms you get from Yueda, "jizz in my pants", you can't escape from it!

So, guess what I did to the picture of Wong Jun Sean found on the lonely hearts club homepage?

Actually, it isn't 'shit happens'.

Should be 'jizz happens'.

Jizz...oops! I mean, jeez...

Well, I hope he doesn't find it too...insulting. I mean, if he does, I will probably have no choice but to take it down.

And that's fo' jizzle...

...I mean fo' shizzle!

Soon, soon.

2009-02-22T18:55:00.004+08:00

Well folks, I'll be posting on my new house soon.

Might take awhile, with all the pictures and shit, cos' I'll be taking quite a few.
And plus with homework and shit, I'm busier than business.

Anyway, I love my new house. =D
Not just because I finally get my own room, but also, it's quite big.

I mean, it's as exciting as Bruce Lee having sex.

Bruce: "Enter...the Dragon..."

Right.

The house is still being painted though, and furnished, so yeah. Whenever I go there, I gotta be as careful as a Care Bear to not mess things up.

Stay tuned...more to come.

VAL(TEO)'S DAY. HURHURHUR.

2009-02-11T20:37:00.012+08:00

3 more days, gentlemen.
3 more days to Valentine's Day.

Girls, in 3 days time, expect your lockers/mailboxes/desks/bags you left lying around to be stashed full of flowers, roses, red and white.

Or cards, personally handwritten with such fine ink on sweet scented cards with wonderfully designed pictures of hearts and pink what-not's.

Not to mention golden boxes of chocolates, tied with a presentable gift garnish of a matching ribbon, and behold the surprise you find inside the box cos' you'll never know what you're gonna get. Just like the guy who sent the damn box of chocolates.

Maybe he's handsome, dashing and charming.

Maybe he's strong and sporty.

Maybe he's cool, and poser.

Maybe he's rich.

Maybe he's ugly.

Maybe he's an asshole and an arrogant jackass.

Maybe he's a loser nerd from some mugger class.

Maybe he's just the Facebook stalking pervert who jacks off to your camwhore photos.
.
.
.
That was sorta anti-climax.
Geddit, anti-climax? Jack off?
Hurhur.

Also, perhaps if the lady is lucky, she can expect jewelry! A pendant or a couple ring, from Taka Jewelery, going at less than $100.

Cheap shit, my mother would say. But then, again it's the thought that counts. The way into a girl's heart is indeed, through her jewelry box.

Yeah, I got that phrase from the Taka Jewelry Calendar on my wall. The January model girl is hawt though.

Yeah girls, you can expect, all those things...just think and dream about it. Imagine the moment when you see it from afar, and you run up, heart beating in excitement.

You smell the sweet roses. Ahhh...so fresh.

You caress the cute teddy bear. Ahhh...so soft.

You open the card and you read the message. Ahhh...so romantic.

You finally read who the sender is, at the bottom of the message.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

...it's from Ming Jie.

Joking la. Ming Jie bicep so big, he can get any girl he wants...and he knows it. ;)

To be honest, to date, I have never gotten a V' Day card or gift.

=( I know, I suck. But I have been in an all boys school for what...10 years? Since primary school.
Deprived is the Sumo who types this blog post.

So am I a loser for not having a Valentine, unlike all my peers who are surrounded by girls on this romantic occasion? Not at all!

Why, why, young naive Rafflesians, -chuckles- the true spirit of Valentine is in the love we give ALL our friends, whether they are guys or girls.

So to all my friends, I shall keep true to the real spirit of V'Day! Thanks for being my friends!

Yeah right, like you'd all buy that excuse from me for being such a loner.

CNY - China? No, Yuck!

2009-01-19T20:34:00.027+08:00

HELLO HELLO EVERYBARDI!!!

-drums roll-
.
.
.
-cymbals clash-
.
.
.
-TAK TONG CHIANG!-
.
.
.
-stupid lion dancer gets stuck in lion mask-
.
.
.
-firecracker explodes and police arrests the guy with the firecracker-
.
.
.
-Bryan Tsui gets rickrolled-

...

Soon, it will be a Chinese Niu2 Year.

Yeah well, not my lame joke. Someone else said it on his blog, and I feel bad if I don't credit Mei's Markipoo. xP

Well, it's the year of the Moo. And I know what we'll ALL wish for this CNY, from the divine and holy cow!

Yasssssir, that's absolootly right, my crazy, grass-munching cow.

-drum roll-
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Milk powder without melamine, you stupid cow.

Ah well. I guess you all should know about the Chinese Zodiac Race, how the stupid rat cheated and etc.

Yea well, the version you heard wasn't the true story.

So what is the true Zodiac story, you ask?

Well, I heard it from my grandfather, who heard it from his grandaddy, who heard it from the ah pek who lived next door to him, who heard it from the gay British cheekopek who colonized his ass. Geddit? Colonized? Colon-ized? Colo- ah you're a fuggin' bunch of clean retards.

ANYWAY,
it was a long time ago...

In a southern province of Cheena, far far away...

Qin Shihuang was humping his concubine.

No no, I'm serious now.

The real contest was not about the Jade Emperor's divine mumbo jumbo calendar or what not.

Oh, hell no.

It was the contest for the beautiful maiden, Daji.

Now we all know that Daji was one of the 4 most beautiful ladies of China.
Well, ancient China. I mean, in modern China, you've got Zhang Ziyi and all that. Which cheekopek would be drooling to a 279874 year old fossilized babe called Daji when he can drool to Zhang Ziyi undoing her bikini bra strap on the beach?

Anyway, I'm pretty sure, you would all LOVE to see what Daji looked like, right???
As you all know, there were no photos lah, last time. But with my cutting edge technology, I have managed to restore history's lost Kodak moments.

Is it just me, or does Daji look like...an RI boy?

Anyway, the winner of the Jade Emperor Animal-1 Race (A1 Race, another feel bad vibe to all the RI peeps who didn't get that for their Chinese 'O' level), would win a date with the uh......beautiful Daji?

Uh...well yeah. Hamataro, I'm just kidding.

Anyway, the 12 animals of the Red Brotherhood of Ching and Chong were all prepping for the race.

The Tiger sharpened its claws! The Rat ate cheese! The Rabbit ate carrots! The Snake uh...slithered around for warm up! The Horse neighed! The Monkey ate bananas! The Sheep baa-ed! The Cock straightened itself! The Pig rolled in mud! The Dog bitched! The Dragon laughed at the Snake for being a lousier version! (Ironically, it is the Dragon who is the one who is made in China.)

And the Cow ingested Melamine, so everyone would think it had lots of protein muscles.

Like all beefed up, yo. Hurhur.

Anyway, what had happened was:

The animals all lined up ready to go.

The Jade Emperor was like: "Go!" and then all the animals charged! What a sight! The celestial crowd cheered!

But then the magical starting line reported that the Cock went off prematurely, so everyone had to go back and remake.

The Jade Emperor a bit buay song, because false starts waste his time. So he went like: "GO!"

Then all the 12 animals sped off!

ZOOM ZOOM!

By the way, it was a 100,000 li race. 1 li is equivalent to about half a kilometer.

So, it was friggin' long.

Which was why the Monkey ate bananas.

Anyway, about half an hour later, the leading animal was the Tiger.
Closely behind, was the Monkey.
Followed by:
Cow
Dog
Rabbit
Horse (Lose to rabbit? The hell?)
Dragon
Snake
Sheep
Cock
Pig
And lastly, and most obviously, the Rat

So yah. The Tiger super happy, and he dashed ahead to Jinyang Ridge, where he could take a short breather.

As the Tiger wandered around in Jinyang Ridge, he suddenly saw a meal sitting upon a rock - an old and blind lady.

So he ate the old lady.

And Wu Song pwned his ass for eating his mother.

So now is the Monkey in the lead.
Followed by:
Cow
Dog
Rabbit
Horse (Still can't take over the rabbit?!?)
Dragon
Snake
Sheep
Cock
Pig
And lastly, and most obviously, the Rat

The Monkey had diarrhoea from eating a rotten banana.

So now, is the Cow in the lead.
Followed by:
Dog
Rabbit
Horse (For a horse, that's damn loser.)
Dragon
Snake
Sheep
Cock
Pig
And lastly, and most obviously, the Rat

As the Cow ran ahead, with the Rabbit hopping hot on his heels, the Cow suddenly realised he needed to pee.

Deciding that he could take over the Rabbit later, he went to a nearby grass patch to pee.

Alas!
When he tried to pee, it hurt his unmentionables like a kick to the udder!
The Cow yelled- no, mooed in pain!

Oi...

That's better, Ronald.

What? I can't name a cow Ronald?

Anyway, Cow summoned the celestial race medic from Spain, Mr Tango de Essifation.
He magically diagnosed the cow with kidney stones caused by the Melamine he ingested, and also had to issue a ban on all the milk exported from Ronald the Cow's udders.

Too late. It was later noted that Three-Eyed Freak Erlang and Nezha both got kidney stones as well, from drinking Ronald's Milk.

Nezha's mum was quoted as saying:
"I hate Ronald! Damn that cow, thanks to his milk, my young Nezha has medical problems already! At his age! Humph! Stupid Nezha also! Always insisted on growing up faster, never wanted to suck the milk out of his mother's bosom like all the other celestial children! I'd like to hit that youngster's balls, but with the way he dresses, you can't even tell if he's a boy or a girl!"

Of course, needless to say, Ronald was immediately, DQ-ed.

So now, is the Dog in the lead.
Followed by:
Rabbit
Horse (Must be an ass confused with a horse.)
Dragon
Snake
Sheep
Cock
Pig
And lastly, and most obviously, the Rat

Dog met Paris Hilton's Chihuahua in an USA race stopover. Actually, both were from the same dog training school, but Dog couldn't remember.
So, Chihuahua was all like: "Don't you remember me? Come on! My face! Come on, my face! Come on, my face man! Come on, my face!!!!"

And so he did.

Basically because of that, they got involved in a sex tape thingy, and when the Jade Emperor heard, he got excited, and fapped off to the sex tape, then he changed into dry, clean robes and punished Dog by giving him honorable discharge. The Cock on hearing that the jade Emperor was going to give the Dog honorable discharge, stood up even straighter.

So now, is the Rabbit in the lead.
Followed by:
Horse (Really, really sad.)
Dragon
Snake
Sheep
Cock
Pig
And lastly, and most obviously, the Rat

Then, Orseolo La Sex from www.blowmyego.wordpress.com appeared and screwed the Rabbit, the Pig, the Dragon and the Snake and as well as the Sheep. Having previously screwed a Pussy (same family as the tiger), a Bitch (doggy style, anyone?), a Monkey year born girl and an old hag Cow, he only needed to screw the other animals on the list to complete his lifelong dream of literally f***ing the entire Chinese Zodiac. Only the Rat escaped unscathed, as Orseolo found this particular rat too small, thus he vanished in a poof to find a Giant Rat on Runescape.com that he could use. I must add, he hesitated for a damn long time before screwing the Cock.

As a result, being the only animal not dead, disqualified, or too sore in the arse to move, the Rat won first place!
Yay!
And he wins a date with Daji!

Hamataro, I swear your date looks like you.

And you got a naked picture of him too! Well done.

Anyway, all this story telling has got me thirsty...
Hey Ronald, got milk?

Nothing interesting.

2009-01-16T18:06:00.007+08:00

I'm feeling a right piss now.

Sorry to LZY about your glasses man. Really, really sorry about it.

We should have been more careful about where we roughhouse, huh.

Nothing to say, but I felt that one of the speakers today was a real feminist bitch.
One of my friends commented the entire male portion of the LT should just stand up and walk off.

Way to go RJ, so much for first impressions.

Shan't bog it down any more.

Kena suanned about neck strain first thing I came to school in the morning. Yikes.
Plus couldn't train today cos' like not feeling too well, dunno why I stayed back.

It's great to have friends who shower me with their love and support when I'm in my bad times.
To all the people who tagged on my tagboard with words of encouragement, thank you so much.

Speaking about friends, I found this video I made awhile ago, but was too lazy to upload. Dedicated to the Sec4'08 judo batch I guess, thanks for everything, even the suans. I guess you guys help made me feel better when I was down, brought even more joy to me when things were high. Thanks for 4 years. =)

Song not really appropriate, but the tune I like.
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Hope I get the mojo to do a funny post soon.

Cause I wonder where you are...

2009-01-14T21:39:00.001+08:00

And I wonder what you do...

Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?

I LOVE Lionel Richie.

Shake your head

2009-01-12T20:48:00.000+08:00

COS I'M A FUCKING LOSER GOT D7.

Sumo @ Kolam Ayer

2009-01-10T20:55:00.007+08:00

Okay...I've decided to cancel the scandal post cos' really not much of a scandal. Just a huge guy going in to Build-A-Bear shop and being the ONLY big guy there buying a bear, for bear. Hurhur.

Bear, if you see this, Happy Belated B'day!

Hope you like the present from Zr, Erdong, Peisu, Amos and me.

Had fun at the Judo LAN outing too, great to have fun with the other ex-sec4s again. Ben Low from gymnastics came along, help us balance teams, he's a nice guy and stuff, sometimes see him on bus 88 on the way home.

Oh and thanks to Darkstorm87 for being involved in the building of the bear!

The main reason of this post is to rant.

The entire reason why I canceled the "scandal" post.

Turns out things may be even more complicated than previously thought.

Initially, my family thought we could afford a new small 3 room flat.
Small, but reasonably sufficient for us, especially since we really have no choice.
However, as it turns out, a visit to the HDB office the other day kind of dashed our hopes.

Due to both parents' ages, the loan can probably be only be for a maximum of 2 years.

So let's say, adding in all the funds we have from CPF and resale of my current 5 room flat, we will need to loan at least 50 grand ones.

Take your calculator. Add in interest. Divide over 24 months. Now, what's the lump sum per month?

Two friggin' thousand.

Pay that? Sod off man, we're back to square one.

So we can't afford a flat, and even our hopes of getting a rental one or two room flat were dashed too.

One, after resale, we'll need to wait for 30 months before qualifying for queueing for a rental flat.

Two, we have a household income of above $1500, the maximum for wanting to rent such a flat.

Three, we already have cash from the resale of my flat, so as the HDB office put it, they will see it as we have enough money to buy our own accommodation. But as stated above, it's impossible. So what? They tell us to rent a private apartment. $2000 a month. Sounds familiar?

So let's say we exhaust the cash on hand from the resale on the ridiculously high rental, and I assure you my parent's salary is not enough for the rental plus living costs, then what then? We go back and wait in line to register for a one or two room rental flat? What's the point?

Ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous.

Such is the inflexibility of the policy; we are a crack in the system.

Unless of course we are supposed to live in a longkang?

Look at it this way, even if we are able to afford a 3 room flat, even in the most remote of places possible, where the price is much cheaper compared to places like Toa Payoh or Ang Moh Kio, the loan would be hefty.

Let's say, God saves us, and we are given a what, 10 year loan.

By then, my father would be too old to drive his taxi. Please don't forget, he has high blood pressure. My mother may not be able to work either.

Who pays for the flat?

Hey, whaddayaknow, presto. It's the one and only, yours truly.

So while everyone is saving for their future flat with their future wives, I'm stuck with both trying to save for my future, and helping repay debts of the past.

Hey hey hey, don't say I'm complaining, but look at it from my parent's perspective too. One has to suffer long nights on the road with chances of low business, and the other has a tumour the size of a fist in her womb and growing, and she is struggling to find a job that can pay her well to support her kids.

Personally, I can't do much, but hopefully I won't have to depend on my parents for my own expenses in school and outside by March this year.

My brother? P5 this year, long road ahead of him, planned by the MOE.

So what do we do? If we don't want to suffer by struggling to just barely foot the mortgage?

The one and only totally inconvenient option? Get a studio apartment.

Fellow RI'08 people will definitely know what a studio apartment is:
Small, and unspacious, it is meant as housing for the elderly who can afford it, with no rooms, the entire apartment being like a hotel room, only less pleasant.

With the funds we have from resale, we can afford it.

My only question is this:

How the hell are 4 people suppose to squeeze into

an apartment with a space less than that of a

256MB thumbdrive?

I don't think it's very conducive for two kids eh? Seeing how it is, I might force myself to actually stay out more. Jeez.

Moreover, such apartments are only leased for 30 years, and unlike a resale flat, one does not have the freedom of selling the place.
Money in, money gone.

Dilemma dilemma, conundrum conundrum.

Maybe there's an alternative solution. Go be a monk.

Rant done.

To all the ignorant haters out there who have nothing better to say or would like me to stop complaining:

Coming Soon to a Blog Near You...

2009-01-07T21:40:00.005+08:00

Ladies and gentlemen...

Based on a true story...

Coming Soon, by the end of the week...Blog of a Sumo Productions present...

THE BUILD-A-BEAR SCANDAL

Rated NC-16 for strong gay scenes.

Since U Been Gone

2009-01-03T10:29:00.005+08:00

Koped it from on facebook, though I wasn't tagged.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?

The Way I Am - Eminem

Yeah man, it's cool, it's okay, it's the way I am. Hurhur.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

Lips of an Angel - Hinder

Bullshit.

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Snow (Hey Oh) - Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Cold, I suppose?

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

Low - Flo Rida ft. T-Pain

To get low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low...

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

Ass Like That - Eminem

What the...maybe it's my goal. To get an ass like that:

Sorry for the gay porn, guys. Aww great, now the BG likes my blog.

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

Church - T-Pain

Nonsensical?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?

Ben Is Chasing Beautiful Girls - Norwegian Recycling

...Qua?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

I got a bad feeling on this one...

Peng You - Emil Chow

Oh! Okay, not too bad. I thought it was going to be s-... Never mind.

WHAT IS 2+2?

The Liberation of Gracemeria - Ace Combat 6 OST

Nonsensical, yet again. 2+2 = the liberation of a video game country that doesn't even exist.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

Missing You - Trey Songz

^%!#^#$!@@@$^%$@&! shit. No thanks!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Smoke On the Water - Deep Purple

She's just smoke on the water, babe. Just smoke on the water...Gosh, I don't even know what that means.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

Everybody Dance Now - C&C Music Factory

One hit wonder, I guess.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Graduation (Friends Forever) - Vitamin C

This one is meaningful. I guess it means I'll be close to my current friends and we'll be 'friends forever', however gay it sounds. Oh, and also that I'll never have a lack of Vitamin C in my diet, so less flus. Hurhur.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Keep On Moving - 5ive

It's okay, Sumo. Just keep walking right on, pretend you never saw her. That's it, a few more steps-...Oh damn she said hi. "Uh...Hey!"

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother - The Hollies

...No comment.

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

Barbie Girl - Aqua

Sonuvagun, one heck of a party, it'll be.

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

Turn Off Bubba - Norwegian Recycling

Yeah, Death turns me off like a light with a switch...hang on! My name's not Bubba.

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

Umbrella - Rihanna ft. Jay-Z

Oh I love umbrellas. Man, I love them so much. I clean and collect them. I've got red ones, blue ones, purple ones, green ones with pink frocks. Jeez, name it and I have it.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

Superstar - S.H.E

Uh...yea.

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?

Girl All The Bad Guys Want - Bowling For Soup

Well, if that's my daughter? Sheesh.

HOW WILL YOU DIE?

You're Beautiful - James Blunt

I deduce, it will be a blunt object, in the billiards room. So who did it?

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?

Baby It's You - JUNE

I regret, not understanding Japanese.

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?

Your Body - Pretty Ricky

Uh...haha! I laughed! Aha! Hurhur.

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?

Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani

Yeah, that song is so terrible, it makes me cry.

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?

Vertigo - U2

Nonsensical, strike three. And on a very important question as well. Screw you, MP3 player.

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?

Stand By Me - Sam Cooke

Again?!?!?

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?

It's a Fight - Three Six Mafia

The MP3 player sure as hell doesn't.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE

Shake Dat Laffy Taffy - D4L

Uh...my answer would be nothing. =)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?

My left shoulder.
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.
.
Oh oh oh! I'm supposed to use the MP3 player...

The Great Escape - Boys Like Girls

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson

Note her terrible spelling.

Lyrical Lyrics.

2009-01-01T11:25:00.005+08:00

Death And All His Friends

All winter, we got carried
Oh way over on the rooftops let's get married.
All summer we just hurried
so come over, just be patient, and don't worry.
So come over, just be patient, and don't worry.

So come over, just be patient, and don't worry.

And don't worry.

No I don't wanna battle from beginning to end;
I don't wanna cycle or recycle revenge;
I don't wanna follow death and all his friends.

No I don't wanna battle from beginning to end;
I don't wanna cycle or recycle revenge;

I don't wanna follow death and all of his friends.

I swear, these people were on crack when they wrote this song.

Whatever happened to non-cryptic, easy to understand lyrics that were oh so full of meaning?

I've been alone with you inside my mind
And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times
I sometimes see you pass outside my door
Hello, is it me you're looking for?

I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your smile
You're all I've ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide
'Cause you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much, I love you ...

I long to see the sunlight in your hair
And tell you time and time again how much I care
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow
Hello, I've just got to let you know

'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying, I love you ...

Hello, is it me you're looking for?
'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying ... I love you

Ladies and Gentlemen, that was Lionel Richie with his all time hit song, Hello.
Simple, romantic , easy to understand and direct. In fact, this song helped hundreds, if not thousands of tongue tied men to propose to their partners. They all wrote in thanking Lionel Richie, most saying it was much easier to do after they had a slow dance to this song with their ladies.

Oldies do wonders.

He does look a bit gay though.
Well, not as gay as this parody of his song:

Let's look at how nonsensical modern lyrics can be sometimes:

"I don't wanna cycle or recycle revenge."

The hell does that mean?

So revenge is an environmental issue now? Jeez.
It must be cool to be so cryptic.

Oh look at me, I'm cryptic, my lyrics don't make a lot of direct sense, I use language devices, I must be so deep and brooding, and it's popular, proven by my record sales.

Bitch, you're just high.

Gosh, even High School Musical has more meaning in their lyrics than this shizz.

Want even more bull crap lyrics? Check out U2.

Uno, dos, tres... catorce
Turn it up loud, Captain!

Lights go down it’s dark
The jungle is your head - can’t rule your heart
A feeling is so much stronger than
A thought
Your eyes are wide
And though your soul it can’t be bought
Your mind can wonder

Hello, hello... (Hola)
I'm at a place called Vertigo (dónde estás?)
It’s everything I wish I didn’t know
Except you give me something...
I can feel, feel

The night is full of holes
As bullets rip the sky of ink with gold
They twinkle as the boys play rock and roll
They know that they can’t dance - at least they know

I can’t stand the beats
I’m asking for the cheque
The girl with crimson nails
Has Jesus 'round her neck
Swinging to the music Whoooaaa
Swinging to the music Whoooaaa
Whoooaaa
Whoooaaa
Whoooaaa

Hello, hello... (Hola)
I'm at a place called Vertigo (dónde estás?)
It’s everything I wish I didn’t know
But you give me something...
I can feel, feel

Check mated...
Just for...
Jumping in... yeah

All of this... all of this can be yours
All of this... all of this can be yours
All of this... all of this can be yours
Just give me what I want and no one gets hurt

Hello, hello... (Hola)
I'm at a place called Vertigo (dónde estás?)
Lights go down and all I know
That you give me something...
I can feel your love teaching me how
Your love is teaching me how to kneel, kneel

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, YEAH,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, YEEEAAAAH!

That one wasn't crack. It was probably meth.

The End.

2008-12-31T19:19:00.003+08:00

2008 sure has been a lot of fun.

Judo. 4I. Jeez.

Oh well...
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.
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.
.
Goodnight!

Sumo and the Dead Desktop.

2008-12-28T20:44:00.005+08:00

Winds blow, dark clouds gather over the cemetery. A streak of lightning flashes across the sky, followed by an eruption of thunder.

A man, dressed in a trench coat and a hat walks over to a single gravestone.

"It's... been awhile, Oogie."

The man puts one hand on the tombstone, and brushes the dirt off.

"We've had some real good times together..."

He grins, reminiscing of past pleasures shared with his dead friend.

"Counter Strike...blogging...Sins of a Solar Empire...Youtube...Porntube..."

He pauses. He wasn't suppose to publicly announce that part of their history together on the blog. Drat. Now everyone knows his keyboard is Logitech's limited edition non-stick. Talk about "Sticky Keys".

"Never mind. My friend, I have a special surprise for you. Trust me, unlike the last time I tried improving you with a garden hose and sprinkler based water cooling system, this time I know what I'm doing. You shall rise again, Oogie."

The man in the coat takes a shovel. Painfully, over the next 2 hours, he digs out his dead friend. An Acer. An old model of the very early 2000s, back when Pentium 4 was the pinnacle of modern desktop technology, when a computer of speed 2.8Ghz was the thing people called..."Imba".

The man had set his eyes on Oogie in the caverns of the conman's haunt, Sim Lim Cavern. There, he had purchased the then brand new spanking machine for an odd $1200, though there is nothing odd about $1200. Hurhur.

"I know a man who can can help bring you back to life, Oogie. But to bring you back to life, we must go back to where you were born."

And so he did. He heaved and carried his heavy dead pal into the depths of that country they call "Little India", into the caverns of Sim Lim.

There he just paid $60 for an Indian fella to help fix the computer, which had a really bad hard disk problem. Which begs the question why the hard disk problem. Hmm. Too much Porntube.

The man pauses again, giving himself a facepalm. He really did it this time.

The world is dying.

2008-12-24T12:56:00.003+08:00

Humanity has gone to the dogs.

Dogs who take a shit in your cereal bowl in the morning, and then pee in your orange juice glass, all the while you weren't lookng. Then you come back to your breakfast and wonder who dumped chocolate into your Koko Krunch and you don't notice anything different about the orange juice. That's how toot humanity is now.

Ranging from sick perverts who rape one year old babies (what the hell?), to oil prices rising to a $148 high mid year, then dropping to a sub $40 low end of the year, to Thai protestors sitting in at the airport to protest on politics, at the same time killing off their tourism industry which accounts for at least 40% of their nation's income, and finally to the Russian invasion of Georgia, which we have no news of at all as they blacked it out and since they are forcing the OSCE or Organisation for Security and Cooperation in Europe to pull out. Oh, not to mention the shoe throwing at Bush, which I think he totally deserved for all the screw ups he committed. It's about time someone had the guts.

I mean, his screw ups were as common as a Taekwondo Black Belt in Singapore.

Reader: "OI! I'm a taekwondo black belt!"
.
.
.
.
.
.
See what I mean?

Man, looking back, I'll miss 2008.

Merry New Year and Happy Christmas, everybody. Let's all wish that Obama will at least not screw up that much like Bush did.

Prefferably, like cut off funding to the Iran nuclear program that they so openly oppose.

And ZR, next time, at least confirm that shit rumor before making some stupid public statement on my wall. If you're half the brainer I know you are, you'll be smarter, rather than listen to sec1 foolish immature banter on a stranger they don't even know a decimal as well as you know me. Got that? Zzzzz.

Gosh, I'm pissed off even worse than the last time I played cheat like an idiot.

Sumo: "All right. I call out 13 Kings!"

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Shen Tong: "Cheat."

Sumo: "Dammit how did you know?!?!?"

As you should be able to see, this is not the Simpsons, so the above totally did not happen. And I'm not pissed off either. =O.

By the way, Zhongren, have you eaten those sweets yet? The Japanese ones. The blue box. Yes, wrapped like a present. Got Jap words on top one. Ya, and also got the ribbon one. No, it's the rectangle one. Ya...- eh no, that's a christmas present, not the sweets. It's like on the floor next to you. You can't hear me? What on earth is this sound proof glass doing here. Ok, ok. I want the blue box.

Two words. First word sounds like......blue?

In other words, save some for me can.

Dreamland is ultimate bullshit, foo.

2008-12-18T09:34:00.002+08:00

I SWEAR,
my dreams are the most ridiculous dreams ever.

Excerpt from my dream, which I remember quite vividly:

Some Army Captain: "Ok men, hold the position here and defend the line, make sure nothing comes in and hits our ass. Success on the forward assault will depend on whether you can defend this area from a counterattack."

-The Captain and some of the men go off-

I was stationed in a building with some other people, and there was nothing going on for a long time, so we kept watch. Suddenly we heard some rumbling engine noises coming up the road on the hill towards us.

Me: "What the hell is that!?"

I go in for a closer look next to a window where a Japanese POW is sitting. I expected it to be our side's reinforcements. However, it turned out to be a platoon of Japanese troops...followed by a tank.

Then the Japanese, seeing that our hopes of reinforcements were dashed by the arrival of his soldiers, laughed at me like crazy. I slammed the window into his head.

Apparently he was speaking Japanese, and I was speaking Japanese to him as well, and it seemed like we understood what each other were saying in the dream, but I didn't know what I was saying to him. You dig what I'm sayin'?

Anyway, Yiwei (God knows how he got there.) looked out the window, saw the tank and was like:
"KNN, Jiak sai liao."

Me: "Everybody what the hell are you waiting for? Get the fuck out of the building before the tank blows us to hell!"

Then suddenly, switch to RTS view.
I tell you, that's why dreamland is super gay. Whole day change camera angle.

Everyone in the building ran, and me and Amos (WTH?) ran out the front, under covering fire or something. Then he told me we should fall back to the barn, which we did. And I woke up.

Dammit. Too much WW2 movies.

A Sense of Slam

2008-12-16T23:39:00.005+08:00

Heidi complained that I have should have slammed "Sense of Home" in my previous post on local TV shows.

You want slam? I give you slam.

Once again, you love Family Guy.

Encounters with the other kind.

2008-12-13T14:41:00.004+08:00

Homophobia.

The one word that sums it all up.

I'm frigging scared to shit of rampant, wild and can't-keep-hands-to-self gays, I tell you.
When I say I'm homophobic, I don't mean I'm scared of ALL gays. Oh no.

Just some.

I mean, look here now. Who wouldn't be scared and freaked out by a 40+ year old man with no life, no wife and treats RI boys in tight white shorts like African Savannah wildlife?

On the other hand , if my close friend, let's say...ZR said he was a gay, I don't think I'd mind.
.
.
.
Wait a minute. Tricky.
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.
.
.
.
.
Nah, actually, I wouldn't even be surprised.

=P

But let's be honest, my fellow homo...phobes. Not all gays are bad.
There's nothing wrong with being gay actually.

Or at least, that's my opinion.

The gays that freak me out are those that go rampant, ogle at your puffy chest, and then put their left hand on your lap while wiping the dripping saliva off the side of their mouths with their right hand, and then moan into your ear:

"Soooo...I heard you do judo. Wanna show me some groundwork techniques, Mr Muscle Man? Mmmmm...? -giggles-"

Freakaeee.

Now you may or may not think I'm being absolutely stereotypical of gays, depending on your intelligence level and how carefully you have read the words above.

-Puts on Bill Clinton voice-

Now you may not have heard this the first time, but let me make this clear again: I do not have negative viewpoints on all gays.

In fact, if I did, I wouldn't had felt so pissed about the incident in our school when I thought one of our teachers was fired for coming out of the closet. Cos' I thought he was a good teacher.

Then I found out he wasn't fried cuttlefish.

Alright people, we've had enough "gay" talk.
Here's a a song by a gay guy:

You love Family Guy.

I miss Britney.

2008-12-07T20:37:00.006+08:00

Sigh...doesn't she look so innocent? Back in 1998. Remember these songs?

Lucky?

Baby One More Time?

Man, she looked hot in that 'Lucky' video! Super chioz manz. No wonder she was an international sex symbol. All you guy readers please wipe that drool coming off the side of your mouths. No, I'm serious, get a tissue and wipe it off. Yeah, like that- Oh wait, there's still a bit there in the corner of your lip. Yeah, that's better.

Not to mention that those songs were really good and nice to listen to.

But now, what has she become?

Super sex-ed up, I'm afraid.

So darn slutty. Even the music: Toxic, Womanizer, Gimme More. Hot damn.

I don't understand this thing about some girls. Why on earth do they dress in slutty clothes? I can't understand how all that lace and black can actually make guys turned on. Argh. Looks pretty darn near Goth to me. Just add Super Black Eyeshadow and Super Black Lipstick. Enough to make any straight guy flaccid in 5 seconds.

We all know how she screwed up the recent VMA 2007 with her performance of Gimme More, but she didn't mess up her 2003 VMA performance. Oh no, she actually jazzed it up:

Holy smoke. What happened to everyone's favourite sweet little innocent Britney?

Poor Justin.

I was thinking Mad TV should have a sketch about a fictional new MTV show called "Disney Girls Gone Bad". Britney is of course, the star of the show luh.

And I think we all know who's the succeeding star:

It's okay, Miley. Nobody's Perfect. Hurhur.

Guess I gotta run, before Chris Crocker comes chasing after me!

...scared to death of that tranny after seeing that video.

Music Appreciation.

2008-12-06T09:30:00.011+08:00

Neil Sedaka, ladies and gentlemen, with Oh! Carol.

Mr Tan told me that what's really cool about this song is that if you put the phrase "under the blanket..." after every line of the song, it sounds super funny.

Oh Carol, I Am But a Fool (Under the Blanket...)
Darling I Love You Though You Treat Me Cruel (Under the Blanket...)
You Hurt Me And You Make Me Cry (Under the Blanket...)
But If You Leave Me (Under the Blanket...)
I Will Surely Die (Under the Blanket...)
Darling There Will Never Be Another (Under the Blanket...)
'Cause I Love You So (Under the Blanket...)
Don't Ever Leave Me (Under the Blanket...)
Say You'll Never Go (Under the Blanket...)
I Will Always Want You For My Sweet Heart (Under the Blanket...)
No Matter What You Do (Under the Blanket...)
Oh Carol I'm Still In Love With You (Under the Blanket...)
Oh Carol I Am But a Fool (Under the Blanket...)
Darling I Love Though You Treat Me Cruel (Under the Blanket...)
You Hurt Me And You Make Me Cry (Under the Blanket...)
But If You Leave Me I Will Surely Die (Under the Blanket...)
Darling There Will Never Be Another 'Cause I Love You So (Under the Blanket...)
Don't Ever Leave Me (Under the Blanket...)
Say You'll Never Go (Under the Blanket...)
I Will Always Want You For My Sweet Heart (Under the Blanket...)
No Matter What You Do (Under the Blanket...)
Oh Carol I'm Still In Love With You (Under the Blanket...)

Lol, his dancing and movements an inspiration for Rick Astley?

Peter, Paul and Mary and Where Have All The Flowers Gone?

Where have all the flowers gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the flowers gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the flowers gone?
Girls have picked them every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the young girls gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the young girls gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the young girls gone?
Taken husbands every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the young men gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the young men gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the young men gone?
Gone for soldiers every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the soldiers gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the soldiers gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the soldiers gone?
Gone to graveyards every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the graveyards gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the graveyards gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the graveyards gone?
Covered with flowers every one
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?

Meaningful song for the 'Nam Era. This song came out in 1962.

The Shirelles with Will you Still Love Me Tomorrow.

Tonight you're mine completely
You give your love so sweetly
Tonight the light of love is in your eyes
But will you love me tomorrow

Is this a lasting treasure
Or just a moment's pleasure?
Can I believe the magic of your sighs?
Will you still love me tomorrow?

Tonight with words unspoken
You say that I'm the only one
But will my heart be broken
When the night meets the morning sun?

I'd like to know that your love
Is love I can be sure of
So tell me now, and I won't ask again
Will you still love me tomorrow?

So tell me now, and I won't ask again
Will you still love me tomorrow?
Will you still love me tomorrow?
Will you still love me tomorrow?

I like the song's melody. Lyrics in oldies always seem more meaningful than new songs, which always seem abstract? Is that the correct word? Well, you actually have to figure out what the song writer is trying to say, and it has it's own artistic value, but oldies put the lyrics across in such a way that it is simple, meaningful and simply sweet.

Mel Carter, with Hold me, Thrill me, Kiss me.

Hold me, hold me,
Never let me go until you've told me, told me,
What I want to know and then just hold me, hold me
Make me tell you I'm in love with you.

Thrill me, thrill me,
Walk me down the lane where shadows will be, will be
Hiding lovers just the same as we'll be, we'll be,
When you make me tell you I love you.

They told me be sensible with your new love,
Don't be fooled thinking this is the last you'll find.
But they never stood in the dark with you love,
When you take me in your arms and drive me slowly out of my mind

Kiss me, kiss me,
And when you do I'll know you that you will miss me, miss me,
If we ever say adieu so kiss me, kiss me,
Make me tell you I'm in love with you

Man, I love that song.I'd say it's the best of this lot.

Finally, a song just for the ladies.

Cyndi Lauper with Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

I come home in the morning light
My mother says when you gonna live your life right
Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones
And girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun

The phone rings in the middle of the night
My father yells what you gonna do with your life
Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one
But girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have -

That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls - they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun

Some boys take a beautiful girl
And hide her away from the rest of the world
I want to be the one to walk in the sun
Oh girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have

That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls - they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun,
They want to have fun,
They want to have fun....

ENJOY. NAO.

OH YEAH...

2008-12-02T15:35:00.004+08:00

...I got my first tuition pay! Woot!

Haha. The boy is super cute and funny. And he's quite fun to teach luh, so the 2 hours pass by super fast. But the best thing is...

Sweet sweet money!

Mmmmmmmmm.......

Hansheng must be uber jealous now. He earns $10 more than this amount through ads but takes quite awhile. All I take is 2 hours. =D

It's an honest living. ^^

I Can Understand...

2008-11-28T22:31:00.010+08:00

...Why Singapore TV shows never win any awards.

My Sassy Neighbour?

Yang Sisters???

First Class?????

Low Class, more like.

Anyone actually watch those shows and enjoy them?
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No? Okay.

To think those shows are actually listed as 'Comedy'.
Does anyone actually laugh at that kind of low-class slap stick?

Please. At least Phua Chu Kang was a good production. Make something like it.

I mean, seriously, what kind of cheesy shizz is 'My Sassy Neighbour'?

"Resident foot reflexologist, Madam Tan is back for another busy season as she balances between saving the day in the neighbourhood and managing her expanding family as Yu-Jin and Xuan finally ties the knot. Jamie Teo joins the cast this season as Siew Lan, a new protégé of Madam whom Ah Huat simply can’t stand. Catch the new season with more fun and laughter in Bukit Anak Kambing."

Un-funny. Un-cool. Un-entertaining.
Especially to see those aunties fluttering about in high pitched voices and acting as if they were 5 year old children.
And what the hell does Madam Tan think she is? Some Saikang Warrior?

Hurhur, Bukit Anak Kambing. Hurhur.

Unbelievably sick of directors treating the viewing population as 'tards. And to think they put the news right after those shows on the same channel.

"Oh, Singaporeans sure as hell are dumb enough to appreciate my kind of humor, but they are sure as hell smart enough to understand the news after that."

Ah-ka-pish?

I tell you, if Sing to the Dawn wins a coveted award, I'll treat 3 of my friends to a month's supply of bubble tea, one a day. You all can register. I'll draw lots to see who gets the 3 spots, but I think your chances of getting any tea at all are pretty slim. See below:

User's Review and Ratings

Shamefully disgusted

by yang_zunyi on 26/11/2008

What I loved most: How all the ppl that work on this project embarass themselves

What I really hated: Same as the above.

Im speaking on behalf of all the designers out here. When i first saw the long trailer, i was disgusted. then i saw the dancing monkeys that makes me throw up. The designers or animators in this project either sucks or really have to rush everything in like, 2 weeks? I feel ashamed as a designer. The animation i swear it looks like my animation using the 3d software for dummies, Poser. And how hard is it to make 3 different looking monkeys and movement? if u see the trailer, the 3 dancing monkeys look the same and dance the same. Copy and paste? yukks. Elvis inspired and ugly and not cute character? give me a break. Worst movie of the decade.

Story:

Acting:

Direction:

Visuals:

Overall:

Sing to the yawnzzzzz

by bosanovaray on 26/11/2008

What I loved most: Can't think of any

What I really hated: Too many to list

Just because the animation is a local production, doesn’t necessary means the consumers/viewers will support out of a sense of patriotism and be less demanding. We, the viewers like to support our local productions but please, at least produce quality stuff. We don’t expect our local productions to churn out Hollywood-like mega budget movies with A-list actors but we expect creativity, artistic and quality scripts, not this type over hype amateurish staff. The music and sound tracks…..hmmm it is very Dick Lee-ish type of music. Since this is a Media Corp joint production, I doubted that we will get an independent review from the movie critics on the radio and TV channel.

Story:

Acting:

Direction:

Visuals:

Overall:

crap!

by hc_vodka on 26/11/2008 (1 of 1 people found this review helpful)

What I loved most: nothing

What I really hated: everything

absolutely NOTHING good about this. Animation looks like its pixar from 10+ years ago. Crappy plot, crappy songs. This is the best Singapore animation has to bring?? This is not even good enough to be released straight to DVD.

Story:

Acting:

Direction:

Visuals:

Overall:

Sing To The Dawn

by manow_na on 22/11/2008

What I loved most: None

What I really hated: Plenty

When I first saw the trailer and heard the theme song, I got goose bumps all over. I knew instantly that this animation will not make it. By reading all the reviews here, my bet was proven correct. What irritated me was the constant showing of the movie trailer on Channel News Asia. The trailer was not even great to begin with and yet the constant showing on CNA. The theme song "If you believe" was not well sung, whoever the singer was couldn't hit the high notes. It was too painful for the ears. For goodness sake, next time come up with a better trailer and a better sung theme song. That will at least boost their ticket sales. I have not watch it yet and neither am I intend to watch it.

Story:

Acting:

Direction:

Visuals:

Overall:

See? So please, STOP REPLAYING THOSE COMMERCIALS ON TVMOBILE.
Honestly, I'd rather stab myself in the brain. Why?

Well firstly, by stabbing my brain, I'm hoping I can erase that terrible memory of that commercial being played.

And secondly, and most importantly, the very sound of blood gushing out is 2302140935083174983174317943279483729479327958743695209801379458485472 times better than that awful banshee wailing of that "If You Believe " theme song.

And to think, the best stand up comedian we have so far...is Hossan Leong.
Not very stunning is it? He's not bad, I've heard his jokes, and he can make people laugh, so fair enough. He can work it out in Singapore. For now.

But if Singapore media is to truly become of world class standards, it would need world class comedians.

Not world class actors. We have those!

World class comedy!

We Singaporeans can appreciate slapstick, but its getting way too fuggling boring. Bring in something fresh! Full of wit!

Not slapstick-ish like My Sassy Neighbour or Police and Thief. (Sorry, Glenn.)

Want examples of good humor? Go youtube and search for Eddie Izzard, or Lee Evans. That ought to knock you of your feet.

Oh, and propaganda bureau, about that anthology series thingy called "Sense of Home"? We saw through that too.

Same Same, But Different.

2008-11-26T19:21:00.004+08:00

I realise more often than not, people resemble each other. Some times, it's a minor resemblance, other times, they look almost exactly the same, as if they were twins.

It's rather apparent in our everyday life - the strangers we meet everyday. If only you open your eyes and be more observant, you'll see what I'm talking about. Sheesh.

Here's a starter, babes.

Number 1: Kirk D'Souza and Barack Obama

As of next year, the First Man of the USA will be Barack Obama. That's of course, assuming he lives through assasination attempts by hate groups/racist groups etc. or Bush doesn't find a way to screw things up real bad before Barack takes office.

As of Prometheum Day 2008, RI's new Head Boy will be Kirk D'Souza. A name as catchy as Barack Obama's.

Both of them, leaders.

Can we find similarities?

YES WE CAN!

Maybe you haven't noticed it yet, but I see the same nose, same lips, same eyebrows. I remember Kirk has the same hairdo as Obama, but there aren't any photos of him with that hairstyle. Oh well.

I guess their physical similarity stems from the fact that Kirk is Obama's son. Oh, didn't you know? Kirk's real name is Kirk Obama.

Well, Obama heard Singapore Math was too good, so he decided to send his son over here to study in RI. Michelle didn't like the idea though, but she reluctantly agreed in the end. Poor Kirk, I guess he really misses his family in the White House now, doesn't he? =(

The other reason why Obama sent his son, Kirk, here was mainly because of finances. He wanted Kirk to become a Minister here, in Singapore, because the President of the United States of America, the world's most powderful man, only earns US$400,000 a year, compared to let's say, our PM's pay of S$3.04 million. Do the currency conversion. Any wonder why Obama wants to ask his son to be a minister here?

Number 2: Bob Koh and Zhu Chong

On the left...we have the original. And on the right...we have the original's representative to Grad Night.

Like I said, Same Same, But Different.

Number 3: Prata Man and The Penguin

People!!! Y'all remember this picture? Yeah? You do?
So y'all see the 2nd guy from the right?

It's the same guy as the dude on the left in this picture. Hey, what a cute penguin puppet!

Wait...who is that guy? Hmmm...

He looks familiar...as if I've seen him somewhere before...on TV...
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AH YES!

Holy smokes! It IS him! No wonder he's in charge. He fought the caped crusader! =O

And he lost by Yuko I suppose, since Batman survived to make such a huge box office hit.

Number 4: Master Thia and Rick Astley

In this case, it's not so much of physical similarities, but more of body language. Shanzhi's actions, reflects that of Rick Astley's as well.

Well okay, we sure as heck don't see Shanzhi doing this:

Wait...do we? Hmmm...

In any case, let's look at their faces first.

Similar?
.
.
.
Okay, fine. I guess not.

Argh.

I guess they are both as unmatching as a Spartan with a lightsaber.

Well, it depends on the color.

Okay fine, I guess you're right. Shanzhi and Rick really aren't the same. But at least one last shot before I really give up (hurhur never gonna give you up hurhur), cos' I wanna see how Shanzhi can be related to Rick Astley.

Hey! Whaddayaknow? Perfect fit. ;-)

Lastest and Maybe Not Leastest: Kevin Kwek and Hamtaro

This is Hamtaro. Say hi!

(Audience: Hi!!!)

This is Kevin. Say hi too!

(Audience: Hi there!............WAIT OH MY GAWD THEY ARE THE SAME OH MY GAWSH WHAT THE HELL? AREN'T THEY THE SAME WHAT THE HECK WHAT THE CRAP ZOMGWTFBBQSAUCE???)

And there you have it. The similarities between people. I am Benjamin See-Toh, and thank you for watching Channel Sumo News.

In the future, there will be better things coming up on my blog.
Just like Zhongren's Sexyback.

^^. So keep you're eyes peeled. That's assuming Zr's HAWT Sexyback doesn't burn your eyes first.

I guess I better zao before the people above come hunting for me. I'd really hate to be like Darth Maul right now.

4 words:

跑吧孩子。

P.S. Once again, I must stress, my posts are jokes la, yah? J-O-K-E lah.

Coming soon...

2008-11-24T18:28:00.002+08:00

Gah, what a day. My head hurts...owie.

Wad half awake half asleep this morning at around 7.ooam and was like: "I'm not going training...pon la! Who cares! Zzzzzzz...zzzz....zzz..........zzz.....Ah screw it, who am I kidding?"

So I got up, got dressed, ate breakfast and went for training.

HOW FUGGLING INTERESTING.

Readers, I've just wasted...a couple of seconds of your lives. Keee yippeee aie yay!

Anyways, coming soon, is a blog entry of epic proportions. So huge, it's larger than my tummy. Hohoho.

Wait for it. I hope it will be good.

What now?

2008-11-21T21:50:00.003+08:00

I look at XP's blog post about his parents, and whatnot about the parent lottery.

Envious, I am. Green, with envy.

Argh. Everyone gets the kicks in life.
Slim bodies, gee effs, muscles, good looks, NO ACNE, happy families.

Good grades.

Sonuvabitch, I'm already reminded of a math retest.

What do I have?
None of the above, fo' shizzle.

I'd love to say I hate complaining about it, but I lie.

The thing that hit me most was the thing about families. As most know, I nearly don't have one.
At least not a whole one.

Back last year through to the end of judo finals I had my judo batchmates.

Now, we meet up much less often. Seeing as it is, some of us are also going to say goodbye to the batch when we cross over to RJ. Sorry, RIJC.

Even a person with very good buddies, still needs something else to satisfy his social needs - his friends don't stay with him 24/7. It's not the army or Iraq Tour of Duty we're in together, you know.

Therefore, it boils down...to fam.

Mudder, Fudder, Brudder, Seeeester, Self.

I no Seeeester.

So only, Mudder, Fudder, Brudder, Self.

Not living with Fudder after divorce.

So, Mudder, Brudder, Self.

Mudder at work until late night.

Thus, end up Brudder, Self.

Brudder at school, and is too young to understand me and for me to relate to.

Self.

You all have nice families. I've been into many of my friends and judo batchmate's houses and seen their families.

Peisu's parents are super nice people, buying KFC for us whenever we go over to play Xbox...last year, I remember. He's close to his mum, I guess it's quite obvious if you see them together.

XP's relationship with his parents can be seen from his latest blog entry. He's lucky to have like a real man for a dad, giving fatherly advice and all. I'm not, I guess.

Sung Ming's mum is like...super cool. Especially the part she acted in for their SS documentary. She is just so supportive of her son, you can tell by the way she tells you about her boy.

Zhengyi's mum is also super nice, I mean, really nice. She called up to check on me and stuff regarding my fam's problems and I appreciate it alot. He's got such a nice mother, and elder siblings too. I always wanted elder siblings. Makes you feel 'taken care of'.

De Hong's dad looks like he has a wealth of experience, like he gives advice to De Hong and stuff.

I know I shouldn't compare.
I know I have a good mother, who wants the best for her kids. Why else did she take up a job which requires her to leave at 7am and come back only late at night?

But I guess sometimes...alot of times...I don't see her around.
What can I say?

Divorce issues, house issues, math retest, tutoring, training and such.

Isn't this supposed to be a holiday?

Awwwww f***, it's no fun seeing a fat kid emo around. Go sleep or something guys. Shoo.

Holiday Student Jobs.

2008-11-20T16:20:00.003+08:00

Well, I'm rather busy these days.
Other than being tired from Kagoshima, I am also getting ready for the new tutor job. =D
$! ^^
It's an honest living.
P4 Science doesn't exactly kill you know. And I'll be even more busy with my math retest. Sonuvabeach.

Speaking of which, I realise any people I know these days like to take up holiday jobs, if not, internships. Emma is taking an internship at the Duke-NUS Medical School. Double-U Tee Eff.
I know Renee is also taking an internship somewhere...so is Heidi.

Other people like Meng Siew and me are tutors. Besides that, I can't seem to think of anyone else. None of my judo batchmates seem to like working during holidays. o.O

Jobs available to us juveniles are many. Ranging from the standard McDonald's employee, which I once was and officially still am, to the flier distributor at Orchard Road, to the intern at NUS. (Double-U Tee Eff)

Let's look at the McDonald's employee: Dressed in a tight, uncomfortable, crap-looking uniform of rather gay colors, his job is to stand and serve sometimes difficult customers, who also sometimes may have unbelievably huge orders (What the hell are they? A Sumo?) at the cash register. Or dip processed, disgusting, trans fat filled fillets or fries into boiling hot oil, with more fats, and then press the timer for 3 minutes and wait. Or clean tables and mop the floor, filled with dust and cream and tomato sauce and oil stains.

His pay for all this stinking work? $3.50 an hour.

Oh wow.

Any wonder why I stopped working there?

Then, we have the flier distributor: He stands around Orchard Road or some busy place, giving out fliers for some slimming program by Adonis or some random slimming center for men called Gays 'R Us. Or maybe for the latest gizmo to come out of the production lines in China, filled with a chemical known as Velamine, and even cheaper imitation of Telmine, which was an even cheaper imitation of Nelamine, which was an unbelievably cheaper imitation of Kelamine, which was an even cheaper imitation of Melamine. Who knows?

He stands for hours upon hours, extending a hand to pass out a flier every time a passerby walks pass, only to be disappointed by the passerby's waving hand - a sign of rejection. When a passerby does finally take the flier, the flier distributor jumps with glee! He dances around and chants: "Boom shaka laka boom! Boom shaka laka boom!"

And he continues:

"BOOM SHAKA LAKA BOOM! BOOM SHAKA LAKA BOOM! BOOM SHAKA LAKA BOOM! BOOM SHAKA LAKA BOOM! BOOM SHAKA LAKA BOOM! BOOM SHAKA LAKA BOOM! BOOM SHAKA LAKA BOOM! BOOM SHAKA LAKA BOOM! BOOM SHAKA LAKA BOOM! BOOM SHAKA LAKA BOOM! BOOM SHAKA LAKA BOOM! BOOM SHAKA LAKA BOOM! BOOM SHAKA LAKA BOOM! BOOM SHAKA LAKA BOOM! BOOM SHAKA LAKA BOOM! BOOM SHAKA LAKA BOOM! BOOM SHAKA LAKA BOOM! BOOM SHAKA LAKA BOOM!"

Then he turns around and sees the passerby dump the flier into the dustbin behind him.

Owned.

See. That's why I got a tuition job.
.
.
.
Like I said, it's an honest living. Gotta be serious about it though.

I mean, I wouldn't want to do flier distributing at all. It's sooooo boring.
It's like you're stoning for hours and hours and just...stoning.
With sore legs, to boot.

Can you imagine the Sith giving out fliers?

"Dark side! Dark side, Dark side! Come on over to the Dark side! Dark side! Come on over to the Dark side! We've got cookies! Dark side, Dark side!"

Not very effective marketing, eh?

Rather, TV advertorials would work better for them.

"Do you feel sad, lost, and angry? Has your fear led to anger, which in turn led to hate? Did Tusken Raiders kill your mother? Are you having nightmares of your wife dying during childbirth? Do you have mood swings once a month? If your answer to the above questions are yes, yes and yes, then come on over to the Dark Side!......................................P.S. We've got cookies."

Nah, tutoring is better. I'll just be careful not to teach a kid with a midichlorian count higher than that of Yoda's, lives in a desert area and has the surname Skywalker.

The Land of Sumo Warriors.

2008-11-18T10:10:00.015+08:00

A picture tells a thousand words. Let them tell the story of my trip to The Land of Sumo Warriors.

Peace, foo.

Off to Japan!

2008-11-12T22:17:00.000+08:00

Well, off to the airport now! Be back on the 17th.

Hot dang, I'm excited.

1 more day!

2008-11-11T17:23:00.002+08:00

Well, before I get to that, I just would like to touch on the upcoming handing over of the presidency to Obama. Now that it is approaching the end of Bush's term in office, all these people are coming up with stupid articles and reviews on whether Bush was really that bad.

Here's what I have to say on those articles: Piss off.

Sure, Bush sure as hell didn't start WW3 (or did he help spark the future one?), and articles with titles such as "Bush worst president ever? Think again." have tried to glorify his reign in office by touching on what his administration had done to renew ties with other countries, such as the emerging superpowers, India and China. I won't dispute that, but that dude sure was a joke of a world leader.

Putin must be laughing his arse off now if he is reading those articles from the Straits Times.

Quote (roughly) one of the articles:

"Overall, Bush will be handing over a better Iraq to Obama..."

Well, it would be better if hadn't set his stinking foot there in the first place!
Weapons of Mass Destruction indeed. And where are they now, Mr Bush Jr.?
Osama bin Laden and the terrorists may have been justified, thanks to September 11 and the preceding USS Cole bombing, but how about those innocent civilians?

Countless innocent lives lost just because of the war. Not to mention, thousands of American Marines killed, and even more family members devastated. Screw you, Bush.

It certainly didn't help that he kept messing up his speeches.
Evidence? Here you go:

Even McCain can do a better job than that. Not so sure about Palin though...

In any case, quit trying to glorify that old man. It's about time he retired back to Crawford in Texas. Good riddance.

Enough shit about my personal views on America's political failures.

As you can see, the title of the post shows how long more to the Japan trip.
Ruddy exciting. I've never touched Japanese soil in my life, and the first time I do so, I get told like what...10 days before?

Barely enough time to calm down, take deep breaths, and get packed, isn't it?
had to buy a new gi, make a new passport because the old one has my P5 photo in it, and change money, pack clothes, blahblahblah.

I still have packing to do, gah.
Once that is done, it will be a load of my list.
Wait, I need to add one more thing:

Take a good dump before going to the airport.

What?
I mean, crapping at 10,000 feet in the air is not my idea of an enjoyable flight.

Wow...what a night.

2008-11-10T08:00:00.011+08:00

Awwwwwright people.

Heck man, we all know what happened last night...
I mean, it was the bomb.
And the blast, was just huge.
And now I'm still feeling the aftershock.

Grad Night was the bomb.
Hurhur.

Games, music, Rick rolling and dancing with Master Thia and Biquan, camwhoring and photo taking, and the lousy food all packed more yield than a 50 megaton nuke.

That song dedication to Bryan Tsui was funny too. Haha.

In summary?

Bomb.
More bomb than Bombay.
Hurhur.

Thanks for 4 years of friendship people.

Wayne! =)

Lim SK!

For once, the long busturd is short.

ZHANG LAOSHI! Lol.

RI Number Ten buff!

Wah Lu David.

Needed a wide angle lens for this shot or else we couldn't capture all 3 people. Yup, Isaac Ng's chest is that big.

Quantum of Solace. Or a waiter.

The Creators of RI Top Ten buff. Samuel Koh became number one last night. Poor Chuan Hong. Haha. =D

I look like whack in this photo, I know. Just don't flame me for it.

Hamsum Lim so hamsum, he nearly cracked the camera lens. This picture had to be taken with a gahmen issue spy camera. Sial.

Victor earring sialah. I look like I need to beat someone up. Gah.

And of course last but not least, the Sec 4 judokas, who made my life in RI and RAJU such a memorable one.

Moosey.

Oh my pucker face. Erdong. He looked super handsome yesterday.

Shen Tong! =D

Zou Peipei. Interesting pose, Peisu.

Seriously speaking, Amos looked like Justin Timberlake last night.

Erdong: *blink*

Funniest picture we took. Look at both Amos and Zr's expression. Haha.

Yeah! Batch of 2008 RI Judo.
Zr muscular seh.

Oh, then we realised Peisu wasn't in.

And the perma-ponner came in also. Hurhur. Now we all know the answer to the age old question - "Where's Nigel?":

There lor.

Wait a tick. Is that...is that Amos kissing Yiwei at the back???
Whatturf. Ok, never mind.

The only missing person was Bear. =/

Don't worry, I took a picture with him outside.

We are cool people. =D

Went home after that. Lol.

Kagoshima from 13th to 17th!

Which reminds me, Shen and Yiwei probably on their way to Taiwan as I type this. Hmmm.

...Now for breakfast. *yawns*

A funky day out.

2008-11-07T22:33:00.019+08:00

Well, went out clothes shopping with Tongkat and Zr today after Grad Ceremony.
Mmmm....Shen had to go buy some souvenirs for the buddies at Taiwan OIP, since he's leaving next week. So me and ZR went to pei him first, before going to buy our clothes.

So we went down to Mustafa Centre!

On the train heard from XP over the phone that Peisu can't go Japan trip, cos he PR. ><
Anyway we dropped off at Little India.
Saw the all famous...

Yeah, Desker Road. The place where the old hermit who prophecised about the Number Four buff, Shao, lives at.

Didn't go to visit the perverted, old, non-existent bastard though.
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It's a red light district, you innocent tard.

By the way, some of you may have noticed from the checklist in the posts below that I got myself a camera.

Dang right. A shiny, new, camera.

Ok lah, it's old. But who gives a frig?
I just had to try it out.

Asked if anyone wanted tot ake pictures with me after Graduation Ceremony, but Bear didn't want. Haix...I guess I'm really that bad looking, huh?

And I swear, Erdong is getting funnier with time.

<---Begin SMS Convo--->

Sumo: "Eh wan take pic tgt anot?"

Erdong: "For?"

Sumo: "Aiya, nvm. Grad night then take, all more handsome"

Erdong: "than you."

<---End SMS Convo--->

Argh. Hurhur.
Ah well.
Back to cameras and Little India.

Shen and Me.

Walking to Mustafa.

Shopping in the aisles.

After that, we went to China Town. ZR left, to LAN. Pangseh-er.
Speaking of which, when to LAN? Looks like I can only make it after the Japan trip.
Yeah, and after buying Shen's souvenirs, me and him went to Orchard to buy my um, shirt.

Man, I need to get chiseled like Chuan Hong. XL is the biggest the stores there have, and I need XXL, even for my judo tee shirts and PE shirts. Sickening.

Trip wasn't a whole waste though, I mean, me and Shen did see some ahem, RI dude with a girlfriend walking together in Taka. =D
Then me and Shen were talking about girlfriends. Which neither of us have.

A bit of sympathy please?

-Audience goes "Awwww...."-

Thank you.

Anyway, we started talking about how that nerdy guy could get one.
Not that we weren't nerdy looking ourselves. I mean, look at me, I'm fluffy, acne-ridden, and wearing spectacles. Shen looks like a super pro mugger.

What's fluffy, I hear you ask.

Well, in terms of fat, we have a few degrees of classifying fat people.

First, there's big.

Then, there's healthy.

Further on, we have chubby...

And even further down the group, we have, me...fluffy. =3

Finally, the last group, we call it

DAMN!

Don't worry, I'm not at that level yet.

I digress, I keep doing that. Nerd and hot girls just don't seem to go together, do we?
I mean, how often do you see a nerdy, skinny, bespectacled, acne-ridden RI boy walking with his girlfriend who is...pretty good looking, wearing a singlet and jeans, in Takashimaya?

Well, whatever the chances, it happened today.

To the guy who I saw, if you're reading this, don't worry, I don't know your name, and even if I do, I don't intend to spread it. Peace, my fellow nerdy brother.

And by the way, nice. (-points to his ger-)

I remember he turned his head to look at me and Tong when we passed by, maybe to see if we were staring at him. He turned, we made eye contact, and he hurriedly turned back. I smiled.
If I were him, I would probably have done the same.

But, too bad. I no ger.

Anyway, finally bought the shirt at Bugis.

Thanks to Shen for being soooooooo patient today, although our walk around Orchard was futile.
And thanks to ZR for pangsehing us for LAN.

It's not a super pro or poser shirt, but I guess it doesn't look too bad.

On another note, I got my job teaching a P4 kid...well P4 science. I better plan those lessons properly, since it's good money I'm getting.

Argh!

2008-11-06T22:52:00.006+08:00

I hate Shen Tong for getting me hooked onto that mindless, senseless, stinking, bloody, crime-rampant, game!

Darn it, Shen Tong. Why Shen, why you have to be like that?

Why give me San Andreas?

Gah. To be honest, GTA is just really...pointless. I mean, there's a whole lot of crime and violence and kinky stuff. It totally mindless killing, turf wars, gangsta music, sex with car bouncing as the only animation, and lousy graphics. However, it gets me hooked.Ironic, no?

How on earth did it do that?

Gah.
Must stop playing such lousy games.
Cheap dirt. ><

I'm uber free now, and glad that there is no more Chinese for life...I hope. Seeing as it is, I guess I'm going clothes shopping with Shen and maybe Zr tomorrow. Just looking for one nice shirt. That's all.

Looking forward to seeing the other sec4 judokas at Grad Night, as well as classmates and other friends. =)

Random...assholes.

2008-11-04T13:13:00.005+08:00

I was eating lunch at Whampoa just now when I suddenly thought of something - assholes.
Not the real holes, I mean, who thinks of such disgusting parts of the human anatomy while chomping down on a plate of chicken rice?

I meant assholes as in, people.
Idiots.
Fools.
Toots.
Nincompoops.
That kind of asshole.

Anyway, that randomly generated thought seem to have jogged my memory of the teacher who lived with her parents and they had this huge spotlight shining on their neighbours' houses, obviously pissing them the eff off.

The problem became super blown up when it got on the news, after the police failed to coax them into turning the lights off, cos' they said it was their property and right. The neighbours took a video of them taunting them. I remember their elitist comments:

"Lalala! See, we have big house! We are rich! So much money, not like youuuuu! See, I got car! Byebye! I'm driving off now!"

Or something like that.

Hmmm....elitism. Reminds you of The Intellectuals, no?

Anyway, here's the kind-of-toot thing:
The neighbours decided to file a civil suit against them.

Say what? Yes, a civil suit.
They couldn't convince them to turn off the spotlight, which I have no idea why it was there in the first place. Maybe their area had alot of crime, and they needed to call the Dark Knight.

But why need a civil suit? It costs a bazillion gajillion trifillion nillion dollars. And furthermore, theres no gurantee of winning.

So how to deal with these kind of people? Well, Sumo is here to bring you...

THE GUIDE TO ASSHOLES WITH SPOTLIGHTS

Okay lah. I mean, those irritating neighbours do have to be dealt with, and they have their wrong too, being so inconsiderate and all.

And if you the civil suit does work out, you do teach them one heck of a lesson.
But hey, it's a risk man. Expensive some more. If my neighbourhood got people shine spotlight on me, I can't always sue them sia.

So, here are less risky options for dealing with our pesky spotlighty neighbours.

One: Invest in a super bright spotlight.

Sun Zi, Grandson of Grandsons, once said:

"If opponent go left, I go right. If opponent go right, I go left. If he go up, I go down. And vice versa - you get the idea. But if he shine spotlight on me, I will shine him like a star on crack!"

Therefore, in accordance with his sayings, I suggest you buy a even brighter spotlight. Maybe make it a 15091094832109430217 Watt spotlight. So bright, it turns India into Snow White.
I hear Osram bulbs are good.

Then, invest in blinds with a refractive index of...a number which means totally opaque lah. Then at night, aim your spotlight, and fire! Then, go to your room, turn on your blinds, and have a good night's rest on your bed. Laugh and giggle in your bed as you think about how that asshole of a neighbour will be tossing, turning and cursing in his.

Serves him right.

Two: Operation Dididi

Pioneered by the members of class 2G in 2006, the "Dididi" method of harassing the enemy was developed as a to deal with the impending mutant horde from Chornobyl. Proven super effective against the mutant(s) of the Computer Lab Facility contamination incident, it basically made the mutant explode in the head from overstress.

The "Dididi" method of 2006 included the use of "Lululu" Bombs, developed by Microhard Text to Speech Inc, which has recently bought over Macrosoft Text to Speech Inc. The everyday weapon of the grunts of Company 2G were the M-2G "Shift" Spammer Gun, which looked unbelievably close in resemblance to am index finger and a shift key. To activate, the soldiers were to tap the shift key 5 times, press enter when a box came up, and it was loaded. To fire, all he had to do as keep spamming the shift key. Decoy and confusing tactics were put to extreme good use in the Computer Lab Facility contamination incident.

However, computers can barely be used to cause distress in an annoying neighbour sort of context. Thus, drawing lessons and similar tactics from the contamination incident, we can also effectively deal with the neighbour.

What you need:
1) Many old computer speakers, but with loud enough volumes.
2) 2 laptops
3) 2 people

What to do:
First set up the speakers by attaching them around the house on the fences, all sides. Your neighbour's house la deh.
Then, plug in your laptops to the 3.5mm jacks left dangling.
Both of you with the laptops should be on opposite sides of the house.
Then, run Text to Speech and/or Sticky keys.
Guy A will activate, and when the pissed off neighbour comes to one side, on the other side Guy B will activate, while Guy A runs off to another side, and plugs in, and when the neighbour is coming towards Guy B, Guy B stops, runs away, and Guy A activates.

Eventually your neighbour will be so pissed off, he gives up hope of ever finding the source of the noise, and concludes that he is therefore, insane. He checks into IMH and is never seen again. Yay for the "Dididi" Method.

Three: Move.

"三十六计, 走为上计."

So if, in the unlikely event, which has a probability of 1 in 1234123535346987562487 billion trillion quadrillion ang gu kuehs (?) , of the above 2 methods failing, I suggest you move.

Simple, scram.

Pack your bags.
Go shift house.
Somewhere.
Anywhere.

Just don't shift to RI boarding house.

Well, i hope my guide to dealing with asshole neighbours with humongous spotlights have been useful to you. They sure have had no use whatsoever to me.

Love me for a Reason

2008-11-02T22:29:00.004+08:00

Was reading Laopo's post on how she'd change externally for some guy cos' she was sick of being thrown aside for being not chio and stuff like that. (Omgosh cheating wives!)

I mean, it's not my place to say anything, even though I am her 'husband', but seriously, I kinda object this behavior.

Please, girls, you have got to have some self respect. If a guy doesn't like you for who you are, if he can't appreciate you just the way you are, forget it. Seriously. Who doesn't like hot girls, with them F cups, hourglass figure, and cute pretty faces.

Any guy will like a girl with good looks - it's an animal instinct. Female peacocks are attracted to the male's tail feathers, and likewise, guys are attracted to girls with the biggest cup size. Or not.
But we aren't animals anymore! Oh no, we have evolved. We have come up with something that animals barely have - the intelligent brain. We have a sense of spiritualism, emotions, complex thought paths.

So girls, stop appealing only to our animal instincts!

Show us some character!
Open doors for us, bring us our tea, wash our clothes...just kidding.

So, if a guy can't appreciate you for who you are...then heck care him lor. So simple. Not worth your while, really.

Like my new blog song says: "Love me for a reason, and let the reason be love."

Having said that, on the other hand, we guys wouldn't mind some F cups to go along with that character now, would we? ^^

To-Do List...

2008-11-02T21:52:00.006+08:00

Here's just a to-do list. Just for me to remember:

1) ~~Renew passport. For the possible FREE Nat. Judo Japan trip with XP, Peisu, Zr they all.~~

2) ~~Book Chalet. Sian. I hate HomeTeamNS. Ask them go die.~~

3) ~~Get something to wear for Grad Night. Maybe go buy something with Shen.~~

4) ~~Get a camera handy for Grad Night. And the Japan trip.~~

5) ~~LAN after 'O' Level HMT. Call Tomato about it.~~

6) ~~Earn money.~~

7) Fight? Why do I sound like Zr.

That should be it. Phew.

Spotlight, on now.

2008-11-01T17:18:00.002+08:00

Mmkay, I won't go into the details of the performances...and we all know Yiwei and his group were...DA BOMB.

So yeah. I mean, I think Yiwei should go do some podcast thing. Lol. He's naturally funny, anywhere. The "jin tian mei you fried" thing from judo camp is pure evidence of that. But other than that, his performance was super funny. Slap stick king. With punny puns. With wit. I rather watch him perform a million times than watch half-an-effing episode of "My Sassy Neighbour" or "First Class". Anyday.

There was also a grievous injustice yesterday.

I mean, how dare Number Seven buff suan Number Two buff.
Master Thia is gonna crush that little midget. Biq, watch out. xD

RI's TOP TEN BUFF.

2008-10-29T21:11:00.025+08:00

Well, ladies and gentlemen. Enough about emoing over results! What we need is some entertainment. That is why Blog of a Sumo, in collaboration with Chuan Hong of blowmyego.wordpress.com has decided to bring you...Raffles Institution Top Ten BUFF!

So here we are today, and we are gonna rank our school's inhabitants in a countdown from ten to uno, in order of buffness. This coveted title of the top ten buff is as valued as the title of the Ten Espada, who got their asses whooped by Ichigo and gang. Except for Ulquiorra. He's kickass. =)

So with no further ado, I'd like to say: "Here we go!"
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RAFFLES INSTITUTION TOP TEN BUFF AWARDS!

Number Ten: Mr Romi Musa

This uber buff man used to be a national rugby player. Heard he was a flanker. PE teacher of mine and of many other classes for all these years, his sense of humor is a plus point. Students sit around him in anticipation during PE lessons, waiting for the rare occasional zhao sia.

Weighing in at a near 100 kilograms of meat, protein, super-dense bone and more muscle, this buff, mean fighting machine is a top choice for a spot on the top ten. Just remember to say thank you after he tekans you to do pushups, or flatter him with: "Looking goooood today, sir!".

You just might get a discount.

Number Nine: Victor Ong

A darn frequent sight at the gym, he is best known for his all powerful chest. With a chest width of 10000000000000.021 kilometres (rounded to 3 s.f.), he is the ultimate bench press king.

Unfortunately, Nautilus Gym Equipment Co. has to design a super long bench press machine for him, and it had to be constructed and used in space, far from the Earth's gravity well. This is because of the fact that his immense density of his chest muscles and the shear mass alone can generate a gravity well larger than that of 100 times of the Earth. Should he be near the Earth when using the machine, the tidal waves caused would make the Tsunami disaster of years before seem like pre-sensation.

If you see him in school...give him a w i d e berth. Number 9, Victor Ong.

Number Eight: Ming Jie

Ever heard of being too buff until TOO DAMN HANDSOME? Well now you have. Always flexing his biceps as a 3 year old, it was little Ming's dream that he should one day, have the world's largest bicep.

Today, he is only a million light-years away from his goal. Actually, all of us are. I digress. His biceps are still none the less, ~~impressive~~ for a person his size, and he is often seen flexing them in class, rolling up his sleeves, savoring the imaginative thought of a crowd of people cheering him on as he marches onto the stage to receive his Mr Olympia title.

One day, Ming. One day.

Numero Octo, King of the Bicep Curl, Ming Jie.

Number Seven: Biquan

Enough said.

Number Six: Wong Tuck Wai

Nominated by Number Seven for a spot in the top ten, Wong Tuck Wai makes our number 6. His cool demeanour and funky beats is an added bonus. With humongous triceps to boot, Tuck is just buff, buff, buff! Just look at those awesome biceps...ohhhh yeah...oh yeahhh babe...
Those biceps make him look like some wa-... I mean flanker.

I mean, it's even bigger than Ming Jie's.

Number 6 for you, Wong Tuck Wai.

Number Five: Isaac Ng

Holy shit dude. Holy shit.

Just look at the picture and you can see that even if someone were to push full force into Isaac, he would simply stand there and watch you groan in agony. That's buff. And tough.

Don't let them clothes fool you; under the clean, white shirt is an AWESOME MAN CHEST that makes Chewbacca look like a small shrimp. With hair. He can't flex, cos if he does, *poof* there goes Singapore Island...and Johor Bahru.

To quote Star Wars Episode 4, A New Hope, Wedge Antilles: "Look at the size of that thing!"

Damn.
Number 5, Isaac Ng.

Number Four: Shao

"As high as one mountain is...Shao will be taller."

A prophecy that was foretold by an old cheekopek living in the quarters at Geylang (now he shifted to Desker Road), it would later on determine the direction in Shao's life - upwards.

As tall as crap, buffer than Sumo*, and as crazy as even more crap, this lean mean killing machine has been known to slap people on the back, or chest for no reason whatsoever. Which makes him even more dangerous.

Training is an important part of his buff life (duh), and you should hear him when he trains:
"WBAJ#$%@GIYGOHWOO!IHIO$#U!HOI#IKIU@!LJBK@H!OIHO YADDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! PLEASE STOP CALLING ME A ZOMBIE, I LOVE HOT CUTE SEXY GIRLS**! WOOOOOOOO!"

Keesiao.

Number 4, Shao.

Number Three: Isaac Chay

As handsome as he is fit, this softball player makes number 3, thanks to his good looks. As handsome as Hamsum Lim, or even more hamsum, this hot sexy bod plus unbelievably handsome face equals a ladies' man, through and through.

Watch out for him one day on the cover of "Hamsum Ultima" Magazine.

Mr Hamsum Universe, Number 3, Isaac Chay.

Number Two: Master Thia

Alright boys, you heard the Sarge. He's buff and you know it. This soldier is a bio-engineered product of MINDEF. Kidnapped at 4 years old, he was trained at a secret base at Bishan Street 21. Later on, he was biologically modified. His muscles have been subjected to daily injections of protein complexes and his bones have been grafted with Titanium. As a result, he is now virtually indestructible, has a muscle density 512093413094501 times that of a normal human, and can lift a gazillion times his weight. No exaggeration, honest!

Posing for the cover of NSMen magazine, he is an inspiration to all soldiers of the Army of the Republic of Lee Kingdom.

One day, he might save Earth from being destroyed by a mad raving species of religious aliens in purple ships. Watch out for him.

Number 2, Master Thia.

And...cue drum roll...*drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*...

Numero Uno: Chuan Hong

Nominated shamelessly by himself, Chuan Hong is Mr Raffles Universe. Why? His muscles prefer to do the talking.

No kidding. That's Number Seven dressed as a terrorist by the way. Alpha Male Chuan Hong is the best choice for Number One, I mean...after all...this top ten ranking thing was his idea. Somewhat. Watch out...here comes our future Mr Olympia.

Here's his story:

1500 years ago, in an ancient province in...India, Foo Chuan Hong, a traveller in his youth, arrived from distant Cheenaland. He sought the powerful Scrolls of the Sumo, and bring them back to Cheenaland, so as to spread the art of Sumo when he himself had mastered the scrolls.

Alas, when he reached there, the locals told him that the Scrolls of Sumo did not originate from India, but from the Toyota Kingdom. Chuan Hong was angry. VERY angry. So VERY angry. He had travelled for ten years to come to India, and found nothing. The thought of returning home empty handed drove him mad. Mad with insanity.

Chuan Hong let out a ear piercing scream!
"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Just then, the Sumo Buddha appeared with the nine other Judo Buddhas. Strangely, the nine other Judo Buddhas all looked like the people from the RAJU picture in Sumo's Blog's Slideshow. POOF! They appeared from nowhere, in a cloud of smoke.

Actually, the other Judo Buddhas and him were on tour. They wanted to visit Mumbai, order some butter chciken and nasi briyani and prank the restaurant into delivering to a place called "SINGH AH POR".

The Sumo Buddha said unto Chuan Hong: "Fret not Chuan Hong, for you persistence these years in obtaining the lengendary Scrolls of Sumo have not gone unnoticed...and...AIYAH CRAP LA forget the corny talk. You want the scrolls right, don't have to scream lah. Nah! Take! And stop screaming."

So saying, Sumo Buddha tossed the Scrolls of Sumo into Chuang Hong's hands, and together with the nine other Judo Buddhas, vanished...to go for training. Just kidding.

Chuan Hong opened the scrolls, and immediately, a bright white light emitted from the words in the scroll.

The scroll read:

1500 years ago, in an ancient province in...India, Foo Chuan Hong, a traveller in his youth, arrived from distant Cheenaland. He sought the powerful Scrolls of the Sumo, and bring them back to Cheenaland, so as to spread the art of Sumo when he himself had mas...

No lah.

It read:

Blow My Ego.

And Chuan Hong did...and he blew...and he blew...and blew somemore...

He felt a tingly sensation in every muscle in his body. Were they getting bigger? Chuan Hong suddenly felt heavier, and leaner. His fats were melting away, and his bones were growing bigger, as were his meat.

Finally, he became buff, and the heavens opened up...and heavenly light shone upon him.

Chuan Hong was happy! He was really glad! He had finally mastered the ancient art of Sumo, the way to super strength!

In his joy, he screamed out loud:
"ARRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
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Then Sumo Buddha appeared again and told him to shut up and stop screaming.

The End.

Well, that's all for now people.
I guess...
So we wait until next year, when we bring you yet another episode of RI's Top Ten Buff.

Signing off, CH and Sumo.

p.s. * Subjective.
p.s.s **Chemistry reference, yo?

*Disclaimer* - Not an official award. Though we should suggest this for RJC. I mean, RI. Hurhur. Anyway, if your name not up there, don't emo. Go to the gym. =)

Picture Detective.

2008-10-28T16:45:00.015+08:00

Exam results are a nightmare. They are the last thing I want to discuss on my public domain. Sickening. Shocking. Shitty.

On another note of course, we just got our class photos. I look so darn handsome. (Not.)

What I like to do with pictures like these is to figure out what the people in the photo are thinking when the shot is taken.

For example:

Well, let's admit it. He is considered pretty handsome and photogenic. If Sung Ming had one of his pictures on a matchmaking site, he'd be a ladies' man. Just don't put them on Adult Friend Finder. The innocent, cute schoolboy look may not...or may work very well there. Chances are 50/50.

I digress. By factoring in a person's expression, as well as referring to our knowledge about his character or personality, we can somewhat figure out what he is thinking, as demonstrated above.

Most obviously, we should also look at the situation when the picture was taken.

Since this is the last year in high school, or Sec 4, most of us would like our pictures to be handsome, as they will be the last time that they will be shown in the yearbook. Speaking of which, we should really start the tradition of signing yearbooks. Well, I digress again, but as I said, it is almost everyone's desire to look...handsome.

Well, seeing as how it turned out...don't be too upset Ming Jie. At least you tried. =)

Of course, there are those that need not even try, and already they look as fabulous as a model.

Makes you jealous, no?
Then, we can go into even deeper fields of interpretation. The art of interpretation of photos goes into even more complex levels when we discuss the interaction between the people in the shot. It is very obvious sometimes, and in other cases, do require the deeper deduction and inference skills.

Here's a classic obvious example of interaction between people in a photo:

In this picture, interaction between the subjects and members in the photo should be very obvious. Any idiot who can't see the interactions between them, should take a 'O' Level 10-year series book on biology, smack himself on the head with it, burn the book, sit on the hot ashes with his bare bottom, and come back to the computer screen and take a look at the labeled red words.

Of course, I'm just kidding.
"AHHH!" is not a valid form of interaction.

Less obvious examples, naturally require some genius thought to unravel the mysteries surrounding the picture.

Looking at the class photo, I have of course, -smirksmirk-, deduced a number of hard-to-deduce
forms of interaction between photo subjects.

Notice the peculiar stare that Hamtaro gives to his photo-mates?

He looks...like he's staring at something behind the camera. Mmmm...

Here, I play an integral role in the interaction between photo members by having my butt raped by Biquan and gang. Not really.

Jon and Nard look such a loving couple together. And where's Jon's hand at?!?

We'll look at some other people now.

Here's Moosey. He must be real sick of being in the same class as me for 4 years already. I can't say I don't give some of that back. =P And boy, does he need a haircut.

Our form teachers. The ever-so-kind Zhang Laoshi, and the all-knowledgeable Physics teacher, Mr Wee.

Last but not least, good ole' Sumo. Wuv.
I'm not much to look at, so go and jump off into Sumo Space again.

Hit me!

2008-10-27T22:15:00.004+08:00

OH AM JEE PEOPLE.

115 hits in 2 days, woot!

Yay! Whee! Whoo! Wah!
I don't know why I'm so happy, it's like...no big deal lol.

Got to go off now.

Engineering, make ready for the jump to Sumo Space.
Jump in 5...
4...
3...
2...
1...
Entering Sumo Space Stream!
-fwoosh-

Killing the Emperor.

2008-10-26T18:57:00.002+08:00

Really, I mean damn. That would have made episode 4, 5 and 6 redundant.

Sumo's been facebook-married! =O

2008-10-25T23:08:00.003+08:00

Yeah, you all can see from the title.
I've been facebook-married! =O

Dear laopo msn-ed me:

[[AiRz'''*]] can't wait till her bday says: laogong

[[AiRz'''*]] can't wait till her bday says: wanna announce our marriage on facebook?

[[AiRz'''*]] can't wait till her bday says: hurry go accept lah :D

One thing to say about my beloved wife - her using singlish is really cute, especially since it's coming from an ABC.
ABC or not, she is still my wife =D

So there! We're facebook married! <3
Simple easy process. No wedding dinner, no troublesome registration procedures, and no money wasted. Simply click, send and wait.

I think I'm in love. <3

p.s. Please, we're not really married or engaged like DUH. Use your dang brains please. It's just a result of me and her being bo liao. Nice result though. =D

Terrible animations.

2008-10-25T20:22:00.004+08:00

I swear, if I hear one more time of that awful banshee wailing that's playing on the Sing to the Dawn advertisements, I'll troop down to the studios to give them a peace of my mind.

Over-played, over-advertised, over-rated.

A new era in asian animation, yeah right. Go play second fiddle to Dreamworks if you want to. I'll stick with Shrek.